Name
Gwendolyn (:

take me to the sky

1:49 AM I have a sudden thought of sitting down at a cafe, sipping my coffee and reading a book. To distance myself from the hustle and bustle and to be in touch with myself.

Humans are all born greedy. When something is good, you want it to be better. When something is within your grasp, you want it to be in your grasp. Why can't we all be content with what we have? Why do we have to make constant comparison?

11:30 AM I got my driving license today! They sent it to my house and they lied because they told me that I will only get it one month later but I got it today. It only took them 13 days to process everything and I can now throw away that piece of paper that says " You can drive while awaiting your driving photocard" or something like that. Total yayness!

I think I should hide myself and sort out everything before I face the world again.

12:14 AM My friend is leaving for USA and probably not coming back. I'm sad but I can only wish her well. Looking forward to the chalet where it might be the last time we will see her again...

Can you imagine worrying for someone till the first thing in your mind when you wake up is, did something happened?

11:51 PM I drove my aunt's automatic today and it's way different in comparison to a manual. Drove around AMK and YCK where the traffic wasn't too heavy so that I can get used to an automatic. We drove in the carpark for a while too before I hit the roads.

Ok so I bought the ugly triangle and pasted it up. Drove to 2 petrol kiosk to get it and we pumped up the automatic too. I parked too far away from the pump and my dad and aunt was laughing at the long black whatever that was feeding oil to the automatic. It's my first time at the petrol kiosk and be glad that I parked next to an oil pump instead of the trash bin :p

I drove in unfamiliar territories and I made it home safely!
It was the first time I drove at night.
It was the first time I drove in the rain.
It was the first time I drove while wearing slippers.
It was the first time I drove with passengers.
It was the first time I drove an automatic.
It was the first time I parked without the poles. (And made it into the lot)
And you were the first one to know..

My wisdom tooth is growing and causing me some distress. I hope that it will come out all right like the previous one. I'm growing wiser by the day?!

7:11 PM Succumbed to the temptation and went to the pasar malam yesterday with the parents. Bought lots of food and ate till I'm bloated. Durians were a steal at 2 bucks per fruit and we bought 5. Damn cheap!

Sat in that yellow jeep again on the way to school and jeepers made it smoky. I was studying and trying to memorise the points by using acronyms. Who the hell can remember what I, M, Q, S, C, L, F, D stand for so I came up with "I' m q so can look for dad" which is easier to remember. In the end, we changed it to " I'm queer so can look for dyke". Oh my god, this made more sense than the previous one so we stuck to it. Ok, another paper down and one last one to go. I'm so dead because I haven't touch a single bit and I'm not panicking yet.

8:00 PM Pictures from Jasmine's birthday are up!









So one paper's down and I have 2 more to go. I guess I wouldn't be staring at 3 F's when I get my results back. Almost fell asleep while attempting the second question but I caught myself in time. Needless to say, my 2nd question is going to be the worst of the lot. This paper was manageable even when I left some parts out. Would pass but not a good grade..
Was supposed to come home immediately after the paper to study but I've got a craving for bubble tea and tidbits so I hopped off at the market and grab some and I found that the pasar malam is up today! Oh my, what a major distraction!!
Yellow jeep picked me up for school and I was glad that jeepers decided not to smoke and kill us while taking the hands off the steering wheel again.

Reflection

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you’ll never know me
Every day, is as if I play apart
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I can not fool
My heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to
Hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What’s inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don’t know?
Must I pretend that i’m
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There’s a heart that must
Be free to fly
That burns with a need
To know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel
Must there be a secret me
I’m forced to hide?
I won’t pretend that i’m
Someone else
For all time
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?

Karma, just what it is? I believe in karma and that I would fall hard and hurt myself for what I had done to that poor soul. It was not his fault, had been mine and always will be. My callous, unfeeling, cruel, heartless and unsympathetic ways of treating him will be repaid on me ( in double doses) in time to come. I shall wait for my karma to arrive and learn to cry in the meantime.
I'm not a reflective person by nature and perhaps takes too long to realize things that I should have realized in the past.

No..you didn't get..
Birds of the same feather flock together...

A friend just called me arty...what a laugh! I'm not arty, I'm just full of crap that makes me sound arty and makes you think that I'm farty.

2:07 AM Did I mention that I like Rui En a lot? Was supposed to be studying but I watched her MTV on youtube instead. Oh god..I think I'm staring at 3 big, fat Fs when I get my results back.













11:59 PM Happy 22nd Birthday LAO GONG! It's 1 minute left to the end of your birthday so I'm here again to wish you happy birthday! Hope you enjoyed yourself during the dinner and the presents given. Grace and I had a hard time deciding what to get for you and squeezing it into the balloon too! Who said we can't celebrate birthdays while fine dining?

Ms Wong, please get well soon! I don't want to visit you in the hospital can? I want you to hang out with us instead. See, you missed the fine dining experience where we get to drink mocktails and cocktails and eat using utensils for specific dishes. Where entrees are served before the soup and sherbet before the main course and dessert before the coffee and tea. Who cares about grammatical errors in a sentence when talking about food?

It's nice bumping into an ex-classmate on the streets. For the record, it's not that I didn't turn up for gatherings. It was that, I wasn't even invited in the first place!

I lifted some weights yesterday and slept for 12 hours straight. I'm such a pig!!

I like this, "this is what happens when 2 indecisive people collide."

2:55 AM

Labels: Random post

10:33 PM I PASSED!

What else is there for me to say? I can finally drive but where is the car?

I need to start taking my meals and on regular hours. I need to stop popping pills and start eating right. I need to be more focus on studying since wheels are over. I need to stop coming online!

Thank you "Buddha" for your leg.

10:42 PM Woke up early for wheels lesson and only found out that my lesson is not at 10.30am but at 12.30pm when I saw my instructor. How dumb can I get? Went home and slack before turning up for wheels lesson again. Oh god! Wheels test is coming so near but I know my stuff so what am I fearing?



10:20 PM A sudden mood of pensiveness saw me coping myself in the room, catching up on my reading, instead of going out with the parents. It might be brought on by the show I was watching in the afternoon that was shown many, many years ago. I think I watched that show when I was in secondary school but I couldn't be sure because dates, months and years goes fuzzy as one grows older. I just know that it was when floppy hair and center parting was all the rage and all secondary school boys have the same hairstyle even when they have receding hairlines. Oh well, my Sunday was spent reading and listening to the radio!

Labels: 9th book of the year

1:19 PM My days are like nights and my nights are like days. My existence is that of a vampire and now, I'm usually seen at night rather than in the day. I think I'll lose my tan soon but I'm still peeling. BBQ last night was rather fine and I was so awake that I couldn't sleep when I came home. Only woke up at 12pm today so I'm rather disorientated. Sometimes, I don't know which day I'm currently in but I do know that the exams are coming soon. I should really sit down and study but procrastination sets in whenever I settle down. I probably need someone to force me to study or even better, study with me.

I like seeing your name pop up on my phone :)

10:52 PM Nothing can spoil my mood today because I woke up to a lovely lunch that was delivered to me! Saw the sunrise in the morning too and finally fell asleep at 7.30am waking up only at 12 plus in the afternoon. Jeepers came to my place to get my notes to photocopy before delivering them back to me in the evening. I'm the official provider for notes before the exams with my neat little handwriting.

Finally went to the sinseh and he told me that my joint was a little displaced this time. He fixed it for me and it was a hell lot of pain. I don't remember it being so painful before and I was squirming in my seat. He did both my left and right legs and even my neck, now they feel sore. Really sore, especially my neck. I think I might need a neck brace haha...






5:40 AM It's now 5.42am. I've been awake since 11am yesterday and I haven't slept a wink. Just heard the first bus pulling into the bus stop. Who the hell takes the bus so early in the morning? I think I can watch the sun rise in an hours time. My companion has gone to bed. Keeping me company by telling me lame jokes and making sure that I don't fall asleep is deeply appreciated!

I found out that I made more mistakes in spelling when I'm tired. I found out that dry eyes are caused by not sleeping. I found out that my head is actually quite heavy. I found out that my bed is super inviting and I have been neglecting it. It's now 6.08am and the family is awake...

11:49 PM I had 2 meals today and both of them are wonderful and made me feel truly full. I think I would put on at least 2kg for what I've eaten so I shall do something about it tomorrow.

Met up with half the team for dinner after officiating and it was nice catching up. The rain kind of spoil the journey there because we couldn't find our way in the rain. It was only when the sky cleared did we find the way to the dining place. Wasted lots of petrol and it cost so much now. ERP sucks! I'm complaining for my poor friend who's a broke, struggling student.




11:03 PM I slept at 4 in the morning and managed to wake up due to the incessant bugging by the baby. Was late for project meeting in school because the bus decided to be irregular and I waited half an hour for it. Project is a pain in the ass because the requirements were unclear and we procrastinated too much. Totally forgotten about the project even when the deadline is looming so near. I fear more for my wheels test, I don't think I can handle another failure. I am suppose to be studying because this 2 weeks were meant to be my studying week. All I did was having wheels lesson and officiating and rushing of project and meeting up with friends and taking walks and having ice-creams and and it's one week gone. Ok there's not suppose to be so many "ands" in one sentence but I don't really care.
Too much green tea in my system..I noticed that i drink green tea quite frequently nowadays. I'm turning green soon.

Thank you for keeping me company while I do my project..

11:43 PM The walk was refreshing as it clears my brains and we had a good talk about everything. Understanding comes from experiencing the same situation and feeling the same about certain stuff. I finally understand what I didn't in the past. We walked for 2 hours I think, a great workout overall but it would have been better if we jogged. But I was lazy and she was accommodating. We took a while to get back home because we were uncertain about which route to take but found the way out in the end.

I wish that I would be more motivated in my cardio exercises and start getting my heart to pump more blood. Perhaps by then, 50 laps wouldn't be so hard to achieve.

11:57 PM Vulgar post so it should be censored..

Fuck..I'm seriously tired of this fucking community. Words get passed around and rumours fly like nobody's business. I can't believe that guys can be so gossipy at all and I'm really, really surprised! Perhaps it is really time for me to take a break from all this nonsense and cease to exist.

I haven't been in the best of moods lately and this little shit gnaw deeply.

Left ankle is being problematic again. I can't balance on that ankle and it results in me tripping easily. Fuck it la!

1:12 AM School was crappy. I endured the long ride to school for a lecture that lasted for half an hour. But, I brought along notes for S and K to photocopy. I'm their notes provider and probably a very important person to them before the exams. Should have exploited them or something but I'm just too nice. Went for Korean food after months of saying we would. I think we said that during the start of the semester and it's now the end but at least, we went in the end.

MobTV is pissing me off. The videos that I've downloaded can't be watched because of some access rights. I have the bloody rights to watch it since my subscription is not up yet so why can't I?

I love the book that I am currently reading. His prose and vocabulary is something that I cannot dream of replicating or possessing and I am really amazed at how he could describe everything in such detail. I admire people who are talented in one way or another.
I wish I could be one of the talented few, be it in music, drawing, writing, singing, dancing, acting, photography or sports. But arts don't run in my bloodstream and the few who are interested in arts are deemed as temperamental or somewhat crazy. Perhaps the society is not mature enough and we are all too practical to pursue things that are material instead of things that nurture the soul. That's why I longed to travel out of this small little dot to experience and see more of the world. The arty farty stuff that the practicality of this society neglects and is only embraced by the few who actually thrives in the environment. Remove the art and their souls disappear along with the removal. The rest...conforms, including me.