Name
Gwendolyn (:

take me to the sky

12:29 AM My calves are aching from gym yesterday! It's so painful that i can't even walk properly and yet, i can go shopping with mummy after the visit to the hair salon. Pick out clothes for my brothers within half an hour and yet strangely enough, i can never pick my clothes within that time. Walked around and returned home empty handed. Napped for half an hour once i reached home because i was super tired due to the lack of sleep. Completed my articles at 3am and woke up at 9.45am to watch my project superstar repeat telecast before heading out. Still have work to do because i was never free enough to sit down and finish it during the 2 weeks break so i have to rush it out within these few days before school reopens again. I wish i have more time before school reopens but then again, i don't mind going back to a fixed routine.

I need to do more cardio exercises like running, skipping and cycling to build up my cardio fitness. Been doing strength training and it's not enough. I want to be fit for basketball! Shall make it my new year resolution for 2007. Run, Gwen, run! Run for your life!! Run before you die!

Just received a letter from BAS and something has been bothering me. What's part and partial? I thought it was part and parcel? Or was it parcel and part? Was i wrong for the majority of my time alive or was it a new phrase thought up by the letter writer? It's hilarious..why don't anyone check the letter before sending it out? To think it bears the signature of the big boss and he doesn't even go through what his minions wrote? I'm seriously not interested in helping out the secretary and/or assistant secretary for that matter. I don't want to be a joke. Bleah :P

11:31 PM Went gyming with wifey today and her friend. Lazy, lazy me did only certain exercises but i also did a bit of abs so it's not that bad. Lunch was taken with wifey, CL and friend who was also my senior. After that, accompanied wifey to the hair salon to perm her hair! Now she looks damn pretty haha. Rushed down for meeting after that and i was still late. Only had 2 articles to write so i shall do it tonight and free myself up. Wifey and CL went for a movie and i was unable to join them :( They are currently watching another movie while i'm at home typing out my articles. Shall post up pictures of wifey's hair later because i need to finish my work first. Hopefully i do remember to do that.




My baby! Isn't she so cute?

Curlers set in..while she's watching VCD.

Final product. Happy wifey!

Back view of the hair


With more curlers!


12:44 AM As 2006 is coming to an end, i can't help but remember the end of 2005 too. I remembered that 2005 was a year where i took a break from studying and bum around or either that, working. Quit my horrible, horrible job on 24th Dec last year and it's been a year since i stepped back into that depressing place. So i should say that 2006 was definately a better year that 2005. Was doing something i like at the start of the year before school started and was able to continue doing it as the year went by so it makes it a good year for me. Needless to say, there's always a flip side to a coin and certain stuff just make the year a bad one. A start and an end to a relationship plays with emotions that i don't know how to handle. Oh well, 2007 is nearing and i hope that it is going to be a greater year than 2006.

Been busy with the FIBA under 20 Women's games and now it is time for me to work my ass off. Really glad that i am able to participate and help out as it is an opportunity for me to watch the games for free! Japan and Korea are my favourite teams and of course Singapore who won all the games she played.

Am so glad that wifey is back and i don't know why. She came back on Christmas day and we spent the night together (hurhur) with the rest of the team drinking ice chocolate and beer. Can't wait for training to start soon where she can join us. But then again, it might be scary!

All the dormant emotions threatening to erupt and so i built a wall around me, hoping that it can prevent a catastrophe but i was wrong. So wrong..

12:55 AM The start of FIBA Asia's under 20.
Statistic was fun! Was quite blur at first but once i'm familiar with it, i can watch the game and do my work at the same time. What i did at the indoor stadium was fun too and it was directly connected to the big screen where everyone look at the score and fouls. I'll be so screwed if i screw up. Meeting fave partner for breakfast tomorrow. Woohoo..i'll be backup and she's main. Yea..

11:26 PM Gyming today makes me realised that my body's weak after 2 weeks of rest. Total disgrace and i reduced the weights so that means i'm not lifting as heavy as before. Lunch at Gelare was great too because i satisfied my craving for ice-cream finally. Then it's off to Vivocity, saw where St James Power Station is located and the monorails that travel between Sentosa and main island. Nice and colourful and not as dull as the monorails of the past. Meeting for newsletter was the last event of the day. Got the DVD for Goong and High School Musical so i shall find time to watch them soon. No work done today.

I hate it when people promised to turn up for something and cancelled off at the last minute. I hate it, hate it and just hate it. Don't promise if you can't do it. It's called a promise for a reason. Check up the dictionary if you don't know the meaning of "promise". Are we that un-important for you that you can cancel us off at the last minute and manage to turn up for another thing in the afternoon? Are we that un-important that you can say that you want to go with us and then decide that the other person is more important and that searching for an obscure shop in Chinatown is more fun? If that is so, then i think that no matter how we arrange to fit your schedule, you would still have a million and one ways to avoid going out with us. Don't bother looking for reasons because there wouldn't be a need to anymore. Go keep the other important person in your life company. Jaded..

I've forgotten how it was like to tell you everything that's happening and having you agree with my point of view. Now, you seem to disagree with everything i say. I'm glad we're not close anymore. Thank god for that or we'll be quarelling ever so often.

Gwen says: " By ignoring the mind numbing, gut wrenching pain and spending more time with your family and friends. Pray, pray and just pray that as time goes by, the pain will lessen till the day you don't feel it anymore. A word of advise, "a common cover up for hurt is anger" and i hope you wouldn't need to resort to that. "

Shit, i think i'm falling sick. Burning throat and running nose. What else is there to come?

12:51 AM Finals Fantastic

Officiated at Geylang Serai CC on Saturday and i took a cab down again. Damn dumb but luckily i had company to walk out after everything ended. It's the first time that girls' final is held after the boys' final just because the VIP wanted to watch the girls match instead. Jurong won RGS and the happiest people are the girls from SCGS. Haha, the things that i heard from them while officiating makes me laugh. Can't do that out loud so i was smiling most of the time. Bullied one of the girls to get me food because there's a buffet after prize presentation. Actually i just said that i was lazy to queue and asked if she wants to get it for me and she went off so quickly. She brought me so much food that i can't finish it at all and even when Adrian helped, we can't finish it at all. Dumped it while we walked out of the CC, what a waste of food!

Finally had time to spend with mummy and we went out with my cousins, niece and auntie to Queensway Shopping Center. Bought so many pairs of shoes today and each of us got a pair. A total of 5 pairs bought. Total splurge..but all was happy.
I can't believe the amount of presents i have at home. Mummy bought them all for the party and i hope mine was included. Well, she paid for my shoes today so she's forgiven even if there's no present for me.

All right, i shall start on all my assignments tomorrow after gym. Work hard this week and the next week shall be the time for me to slack and enjoy Christmas! Looking forward to the return of my wifey from Belgium and the bee hoon she promised me.

Enigma says: " How do you mend a heart that is tattered and torn?"

11:44 AM THE HOLIDAY !!

The hoildays started immediately after yesterday's paper! Went Novena to meet CL and we went to buy our Adidas shirt finally. Bought the red one since it looks nicer on me and that woman bought the white one. Lunch at Mingles was fun, not a bad place to have lunch and the ice-creams are all so tempting. Luckily i resisted the temptation! Saw Shaun Chen ( Michelle Chia's bf) and Fang Zhong Hua and a cute guy whom i believe is either a model/actor/VJ because he looked damn familiar. Not to mention that Mr Fang pop his head out of the shop just to stare at him which resulted in me spotting Mr Fang. Hurhur..CL just cannot recognise any star even if she saw one.
Watched "The Holiday" starring Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law and Jack Black. Wierd pairing of Jack Black and Kate Winslet but then again, looks doesn't matter. Cameron Diaz and Jude Law provided the eye candy in the show. Lovely show with lovely lines. Maybe it is because they are either editor, writer for some newspaper, someone who cuts movie trailers and someone who writes the music scores for the movies. I remember a line that goes something like this: "the most cruel love on Earth is unrequited love", how apt..

Training went on as usual even though the floor was very slippery. Not much use of drying it when it still looks wet after drying and all of us are slipping along when we run. Think i pulled something and my thumb is hurting again. Shit..just when i want to play more ball, i get injured.
Meeting the nut later so i better go..

11:31 PM Totally unmotivated for the last paper tomorrow. I know i should have made use of the free day to study hard and yet all i did was watch tv programs till the sun went down and now, i'm online blogging away. Can't even recalled how many programs i watched today but i do remember catching Superstar! Haha..finally managed to catch the actual show instead of the repeat telecast.

Can't wait for the paper to end tomorrow. Going shopping immediately after that and then it's time for training. Ohh..so happy that the last paper is tomorrow instead of friday and thus it enables me to turn up for training. Can't wait to go to the movies with my movie date, can't wait to go shopping, can't wait to play bball without any lingering guilt of unfinished tutorials, can't wait for the holidays to start, can't wait to watch my dvds, can't wait to finish my books, can't wait for the Christmas party to come, can't wait for Christmas to be here, can't wait for the FIBA under 20 games to start and of course, i can't wait to start all my assignments, projects and tutorials during the holiday. Yea right..

I don't know how to quit you. There might be an easier way but i'm sure i'm going to come out of it stronger than ever.

8:46 PM I spent the day before my paper watching the under 18 girls finals at Teck Ghee CC and *ahem watching. Then it's star gazing before i went to bed. Elvin Ng got into the 10 most popular male artiste and his speech was cute!

2 more papers to go..

10:46 PM The monster torments me so...

The tussle between right and wrong is tearing me apart.

Enigma says: "Stop behaving like a porcupine!!"

7:40 AM Can i disappear from the face of the Earth?

2:29 PM Skipped school for 2 days intending to study hard at home but i guess it's all for naught. Slept my days away as usual or else i'll be playing with Princess Ashley whenever she's awake. Shit! Just realised that we have to show our report draft tomorrow and presentation starts immediately after the 2 wks break. I'm so dead with nothing to show tomorrow but luckily CL helped me to edit my part. So now, i'll have one page to show. Great! Arg..i hate doing this alone and people are all flying away to enjoy the holidays. So work will be dumped on those who are staying in Singapore and that means me and Hui'er left. Maybe i should just not bother about it and get lousy grades for this module. Ohh..and the other IS module as well since we haven't started on anything yet.

12:47 AM

A boring day in school today. Totally unproductive till tutorial starts and i wonder why do i wake up early to hear the fat man boast about himself. Today, he told us that he's qualified to talk about sex because he attended some course or something about it. Like hello?! I'm qualified too!

12:18 AM Let me die - Nicholas Tse

Are we at war tonight
will there be angels whispering to me good night
don't wake when the lightning strikes
my heart for you is true
let no one take that from you
time is running tight
can't change from wrong to right
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little
Just like how we used to be baby
It's time to say fare-well
No need to cry or feeling sorrow
It's alright all in the book of life
heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go
I will love you till the end of time
with every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
but I'll rest in peace my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
only you can stop the rain tonight
only you can change my world
from black to white
So I'll close my eyes and dream a little more
Are we at war tonight
will there be angels whispering to me good night
don't wake when the lightning strikes
heaven grant me one last wish I beg you
Let me say these words before I go
I will love you till the end of time
with every breath of mine, I'll hold you by my side
but I'll rest in peace my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
only you can stop the rain tonight
only you can give me strength to fight
till the sky is burning It's the end of time
look ahead tomorrow a long and winding road
keep the faith of mine don't let it go
you're the only reason night ain't growing cold
what will I do without you
I will love you till the end of time
with every breath of mine I'll hold you by my side
but I'll rest in peace my sweet heart would you
Let me die in your arms with you
only you can stop the rain tonight
only you can make my world so bright
life, no longer empty
with you in my heart In my heart

8:19 PM I survived school with 3 hours of sleep and a mad rush to submit our project on time. We were still late but made it just in time.

Went for tutorial late and she haven't even started on anything yet. Whew..thank GOD. Passed my test though i didn't study. It was an open book test so nothing to be happy about.

"His strength is perfect when our strength is gone. He'll carry us on when we can't carry on. Raised in His power, the weak became strong. God will help you triumph over your tiredness. Seek him for rest." Send to me by A, how apt that it came at a time like this.

Memories warm you up from the insides. But they also tear you apart.

I don't know what's holding me back and i wished i knew. My phone is choked full of text messages and pictures that i never have any memory space for new pictures. Whenever my phone reminds me that it's memory space is full, i'll just delete any random text message or pictures that happens to be the latest till i saw some from ages ago. I often wonder why i kept them because they seriously don't mean a thing now and yet, i just can't bring myself to press on the "clear" button. Maybe when i'm able to clear every single thing from my phone, it will signify me moving on to a new page in life. Till then...because i still don' feel it just yet.

2:20 AM Something from SQ21, the book, not the plane. "Gender doesn't matter. The important thing is your feelings".

2:33 PM Daddy went down to Teck Ghee CC and saw me officiating the match. OMG!! I didn't even realised that he was there. I'm so blind last night, or should i say i was tired. The game was physically demanding because both teams were fast and we had to really run to keep up with them. I guess i managed to do so for most of the times but at the end of the 3rd quarter, i can feel myself getting out of breath. Luckily i manged to get it back before entering the 4th quarter. It was kind of fun to run along with the boys trying to keep in front of them, if not catching up with them. Catholic won 115-45. Deyi was rough and i should have given my first unsportsmanlike foul last night. Oh well, at least my first team control foul was given. The run kept the stress away and i came home wide awake and studied a bit :)

CL came by to walk me home but we took a cab home in the end. Haha so sweet of her to think of walking me home just because i said i hate walking home alone after officiating. Super thoughful babe! The nut stayed back and waited for us before going for supper with us. Love hanging out with the girls, they keep me sane. JC and XW came by too, not to mention the uber funny YN. I'm loving it!

5:30 PM Celebrated the nut's birthday for her in advance last night at a hotpot restaurant at Kallang. CL and i went to Cityhall to get her present and cake before meeting the rest of the girls and we decided to play a trick on the nut. We told her that we are not going for dinner with them and from what i heard, she was damn disappointed. Had an enjoyable night out with the girls and we went to Geylang for tau huay. The nut had her cake and present there. Pictures will be posted up soon when i have more time.
The nut and CL came over to my house just now and we finally watched "The Lakehouse"! I wasn't totally concentrating because i had to multi task and print my notes and survey forms but i felt that it's a nice movie. The others thought that it was too draggy and chim for them to understand but somehow i was able to catch everything. Haha i'm smart!

Sometimes i think that i'm just not good enough and that i didn't put in my hundred percent of effort into everything that i do. Why is that so? I didn't used to be like that. Now, i've changed and i do things with such half heartedness that i'm pissing myself off. I can't keep to schedule, i can't be disciplined enough, i'm not moving my ass to do the things that i need to and want to do and my motivation seems to have disappeared into thin air. I need to find the source of my motivation again. It used to be you but then i'm not good enough. I get distracted easily, frenzied and stressed up when i lost that part of myself and this half here is searching for the other. Probably that's the reason why i can only put in 50% of what i used to be able to do. Maybe it's lesser since this 50% is also searching for the other 50%. I need to be kept grounded again and totally focused on the tasks on hand. Projects, assessments, assignments, tutorials and tests are all fighting for my attention and i can't seem to give each one of them my total attention. I don't want to give up without a fight and this semester seems to be more pressing than the last. I feel the walls crushing into me and try as i might, i don't seem to be pushing enough. I wished i was stronger, both physically and emotionally.

I need to save up for so many things that i planned to do. Firstly, i have to save up for blading lessons that CL and i decided to take. Secondly, i have to save up for the musical "Phantom of the Opera" which is coming next March and lastly, i have to save up for that diving trip that i'm so looking forward to. Not to mention my daily spendings and shopping trips that i want to have during the 2 weeks break. With the pathetic cash that's coming in when i officiate, i wonder when can i finish saving up for all my plans. Arg..and my 2 weeks break is filled to the brim with activities, project work and up coming tests. I promised to go to the FBT warehouse with the girls so i will. Oh well, with positive thinking, i know i can do it. I KNOW I CAN, I THINK I CAN, SO I CAN. I will plan my time carefully and hopefully by then, the other half of me will be back in action.

2:56 PM And so, December is here..

2:25 AM Dying Gwen..let Gwen survive the next two weeks please. Gwen's on screensaver mode now, brains are empty and yet it still has to function to deal with an upcoming report. Staying back in school till 8.30pm for project work results in Gwen missing training on a Thursday evening. That's bad, really bad! Gwen hates missing trainings and yet Gwen knows project is more important at this point in time. Gwen wants to sleep and is missing her bed terribly.