Name
Gwendolyn (:

take me to the sky

10:50 PM I feel like shit!

Officiated today at UWC and Mel went with me. Saw cutie there. Another game tomorrow. I hope i survive this.
Falling sick..

1:38 AM

12:54 AM Twen is having a fit and i don't know how to deal with her. Shit! She better not be sick..

12:14 AM Satisfied my craving for hotcakes on Saturday when we went for a friendly match at Tampines. Won the game and ended up with bloodied lips. Hanging out with the girls are so much fun and relaxing. Bought my book and my shoe. Kembangan won Home United during the semi finals so they are going to the finals. Hope i can rush down in time to watch the game next Saturday. Looking forward to Thursday again. Glad that Yuan likes her present. Feeling disorientated..

First time we played together as a team.

Enigma says: "Damn it, just let go."

1:38 PM The day turned out to be what i expected and yet all i felt was calmness. Oh well, with no expectations, there can be no disappointments, so it's good. Made plans to meet up bust fren later today. Woohoo..

I managed to change my blogskin and put up CBOX all by myself. Wow..i'm great! Now i shall concentrate on tutorials.

School's getting tougher. Project was unveiled today and i realised that i have 5 looming projects due this semester. Shucks...

Why do you always make me feel guilty about not picking up your calls, not replying your smses, not returning your calls and not meeting you? Is it suppose to be this way? It's kind of pressurising.

12:47 AM Sometimes, the Lord just have a way to make a dreadful day so much better. Match at OFS was cancelled again due to the haze and so i called up the nut and went to slack at her house. That means that $$ is flying away.
Bball today was great as usual. Learnt defense and offense for the friendly on Sat. Hope we will be able to do it nicely.

I shall be a good girl and start working on my tutorials tomorrow.

11:41 PM I think i did almost a hundred lay-ups yesterday and shot 50 free throws. I wish i can do more and be better but there's always a limit.

Officiating today was all right. I'm in screensaver mode. No major mistakes too.

Tomorrow's breakfast is pathetic. I wish for hotcakes..

I hate the hussle of searching for textbooks. I might just buy new textbooks tomorrow just to save trouble. Busy day tomorrow and i'm going to be late for training again. Shit!

I want to go buy my SQ21 but i don't have the time to. So busy this week and what am i busy with? I don't really know.

Can't seem to put up CBOX at the correct place. I suck at doing HTML. Now i guess i have to change my blogskin.

10:03 PM If anyone noticed, there is an empty spot at the "googoo gaga" area because i was so irritated with tagboard that i decide to remove it. Shall find some time to put up a new tagboard and yet i'm too lazy and computer illiterate to deal with it. Oh well, i'm smart enough to delete tagboard and that's enough.

First day of school and it was great! It's nice seeing my classmates again after one month plus. Not to mention that today is a short day. Went out for lunch after that at Cafe Cartel, shopped around at PS and went to Cathay. It's still empty so we went down to Suntec instead. So freaking tired and i don' know why.

Cheryl told me about the diving trip she went to last weekend and it sounds like so much fun. Now i wish to go for classes too and go diving at some island outside Singapore. I always wanted to learn one water sport and diving seems like a good choice. Imagine the sun, sea and hunks! Hur hur..i need to save up for so many things. Looking forward to a HK trip too! Getting short of cash since school started and i need to purchase new textbooks. I found the book SQ21 in TIMES Bookshop today finally! Shall ask mummy to give me the vouchers so i don't have to fork out a single cent.

I need time for gym this week.

Enigma says: "I'm back!"

11:47 AM I lingered for more than neccessary on your blog and i wondered why? What is it that i'm hoping to find?

School's starting again tomorrow. There's a feeling of dread and yet anticipation. This semester seems difficult and yet, i want to conquer it. So many things waiting for me to do and i don't seem to have time for them or is it due to procrastination? I suck!

Watched "Little Miss Sunshine" and "World Trade Center" already. Feeling numbed.

I'm glad that everything's cleared up. That's one load of my mind.

Mercury.. i didn't know there's so much to such a simple word.

I love you babe!!!

Enigma seems to be missing...

1:35 AM Gym Session

Went gym today with Jas and Grace. Did the usual workouts and skipped 2 because we were lazy. We skipped abs training too. Opps.. :) Dinner at Pepper Lunch was great. Bought another jigsaw puzzle to do.

I'm so used to being just me that i don't know how to be, when it became us. Confused and lost. I feel that i'm the worst person on Earth. I suck at describing my feelings.

"Do you believe in love at first sight, that you could meet someone across the room and with that one glance, you look into their eyes and can see the soul?" The exact words spoken by Rachael in "Imagine me and you". Do you believe in that? I believed in lust at first sight though. So cynical..

Where did Enigma go?

12:47 AM Imagine Me and You

The first R21 show i watched since i turn "of age". A newlywed bride becomes infatuated with another woman whom questions her sexual orientation promoting a stir among the bride's family and friends. It stars Piper Perabo, Lena Headey and Matthew Goode. They are worth mentioning because they are all beautiful people. Oh well, i guess Rachael( Piper Perabo) and Heck( Matthew Goode) got together because they are too familiar with one another instead of loving one another, so the ending was kinda expected. Rachael keeps referring to Heck as her best friend so i infer that there's no romantic feelings on her part. Heck is a bit hard to fathom though because he can either be doing the things he did for Rachael because he loves her, or just doing it because of his responsibility of being a guy. The part where he decides to leave her was sad. He decides to withdraw because he felt that since he cannot be the one to give Rachael happiness, then it's better for him to give up and hopes that Rachael finds her own happiness. What a guy! I don't think anyone can be so selfless. We are all selfish people and would probably not give up at all and hopes that Rachael stays around. And so, what is love? "Do you believe that all it takes is 3 seconds to look into the eyes of the person and you see the soul?" That's what happened between Rachael and Luce though. They were soulmates, meant to be together right from the start and they found happiness in each other. Lillies meant " I dare you to love me"

Officiating today was quite all right, i don't know what's wrong with me. Was totally not focusing on the game at all and i was surprised that i can actually call on the fouls. Oh well, i guess i was tired of all the refereeing and so i was functioning on "repeat mode". On a happier note, i managed to call on an off ball foul today. It's nice to have people to comment on the game after officiating. At least i will know where i went wrong, what i didn't do correctly and learn from what they say. I'm just upset that, why am i so dumb as to not know it in the first place. I do not like hearing stuff like, "it's ok, you did well, nevermind, next time will be better, mistakes are part of the game." It's so not constructive at all! Scream at me for not doing my job well, at least i'll feel better and know where i went wrong. That's what JC likes to do and i'm glad that he's honest with me when i didn't do well. Call me a perfectionist, whatever, i don't care. It's tiring to explain my relationship with him and i don't see a point to explain anymore. Let others think what they want to think.

The evil mother managed to feed me at 12am sharp with chicken, rice and mooncake. I seriously think she is planning to fatten me up. On the other hand, i also realised that i didn't have anything to eat after lunch today so i guess having a bit of food wouldn't kill me.

I want to watch "Little Miss Sunshine and World Trade Center" with the nut. Did i mention that i like talking to the nut? We talked about serious stuff..haha
I seriously don't know what being in a relationship entails.
Jay-ing...

Enigma says: " I guess you are too stubborn to initiate a proper conversation with her. Please do it quickly before you got used to it. Being stubborn doesn't help at all."

1:03 AM The evil mother tried to feed me with mooncakes! I'm certain that she's trying to fatten me up with all the sweet stuff. She knows that i can't resist mooncakes and yet she's feeding it to me at 12am. Her evil plan is foiled by me because i insist on not eating anything after dinner. Too much supper and sweet stuff ruin the trip to the gym. On the other hand, i also realised that i did not eat a single mooncake this mid autumm festival.

11:55 PM The familiar stranger

What an oxymoron you say, but it's true. How can two person who were so close become so distant within months. There were no secrets between us and now, silence fills the space around us. Thoughts were disintegrated and small talks were made in place of all the laughter and crap that used to surround us. The avoidance of eye contact, the avoidance of physical contact drains me. I don't want it to be like that. The same place, the same people, a different atmosphere...
I miss the past...

The opposite of love is either hate or indifference. I thought hate was bad enough but the nut pointed out that indifference is the worst thing ever. At least with hate, emotions are still involved and it shows that you still care enough of that person to hate him but with indifference, no feelings are involved anymore. It means that you don't even care if that person is dead or alive. What a horrible thought.

Walking home in the haze puts me in a daze.

Enigma says: " Can a hug solve everything?"

Still listening to Jay. I can't seem to quit him.

1:08 AM I'm in PAIN! So much pain that i don't want to move my body anymore. Went to the gym this morning with the trainer expecting him to teach me the use of the different machines but it turned out differently. He actually drew up a strength and conditioning program for us and made us go through the whole program including the abdominal training. Luckily there's no running or i would have died. After the gym, i was feeling so terrible and nauseous, only felt better after food entered the bloodstream and of course the bubble tea helped too. Went officiating after gym with no rest in between. Was doing quite well for the first 3 quarters till i lost focus in the 4th quarter. Dumb mistakes were made and i'm sure i made a laughing stock out of myself. Heck..shall not bother about it and do better the next time i'm there.

The haze is terrible and visibility is so low. Was riding pillion again just now when i realised that we are riding through the fog. The smell is horrendous too, it's irritating my nose, throat and eyes.

I wonder how am i going to officiate tomorrow when i'm in so much pain??
I got my tigger cup! And a new dolphin whistle too! It makes the pain more bearable..
Ohh..uncle chong wished me happy birthday today. OMG! He's super late can? My birthday was in March, not today. Blur guy but nice nevertheless.

Enigma says: "Enjoy while you can.."

1:34 AM Happy, happy day even though i was woken up quite early by Baby Ashley's dad. Went to SIM to help BC with his registration and i saw Sharon there too. She called and we chat. Hah..what else is there to do? Bball session tonight was fantastic! Finally seeing some result and the team might be up and running soon. That's the reason for my happiness and i've got people to share it with haha. Yup yup, hopefully the team will be up by the time Char comes back. That's the targeted time period for us to settle everything and to dump it all on her whahaha. I need commitment from the team though. Please turn up for training knowing that it's a training day and not go officiate. I love Cheryl for turning up every week! Lalalaa..

I think my thumb was pop back into place today. It feels normal again..
Gym session tomorrow morning! Yeah..got trainer this time round.

It feels wierd once again. Why is that so?

Enigma says: "There's no need to be in touch all day long."
: "Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol"

11:36 PM I missed two off ball fouls! I saw it so why didn't i call it? Dumbo!! Must learn to have eye contact with my partner especially during out of bounds situations. I'm always too confident and in the end, it was wrong. Hah! I love officiating with my fave partner.
So i got to know the reason as to why HL gave me his fiba whistle. It was to motivate me to aim towards being a fiba referee. Ok..i will aim but whether i get there a not is another matter.

Bball session tomorrow again. Let's see the turnout and who's committed enough to turn up. I guess there's always some commitment problems but hopefully it will be reduced to the minimum. Ankle hurting again..what have i done this time round?

Listening to Jay..

3:01 PM I spent my day reading the newspaper and downloading "saving face" from Youtube. It is only 2.56pm now. I shall go watch tv at 3pm and continue with slacking. I love to slack!! All right, i completed all the shows that i set out to watch today. Finally can watch "family matters" after so long and it's the first episode that i watched at home. It's 1.44am..

The office caught fire and my dad ran like his pants was on fire. Luckily it was a small fire, and nothing else was burnt other than the wire. It rhymes! I'm a poet!!

2:39 PM Nokia Starlight Cinema was a totally different experience of movie viewing. Sitting under the stars and moon watching the same movie with many other people and kids was fun. The air was cool and filled with scent of food. I smelt Subway, popcorns and a whole lot of other food. Cigarette smell came our way towards the end of the movie and it was horrible. We tried to fan away the smell but it just kept coming only to realise that the damn smoker was just sitting right in front of us! Irritating shit! The announcement made it clear that smokers are to smoke at designated smoking point near the entrance and not while sitting on the mat and making the rest of the viewers inhale second hand smoke. What is so hard to understand from such a simple announcement? Maybe it's just that guy who couldn't understand it. Not that i'm racist but it seems that his race can never understand instructions, even simple instructions. A great talk at Mac after the movie sees me reaching home at 1 plus in the morning. I'm glad that my aunts, uncles and grandparents didn't see me or i'm sure they will nag the hell out of me. Tiring day yesterday and i went to church for the second time this year. Another different experience from my previous outings to church but i shall not disclose it. Only i will know..

Glad that the match at OFS was cancelled today. Managed to sleep in till 10plus until i was woken up by phone calls and messages. My stupid senior decides to bother me again and i shall ignore him again! Took another nap at 12pm to 2pm. Mummy says i'm a pig but i can't help it. Was feeling so tired and sick. Nose was running and i had a hard time chasing after it. Dreading officiating tonight. My schedule says i'm meeting the Princess tomorrow and i hope she remembers. Oh screw it, at most i'll be at home slacking my ass off catching up on my reading or VCDs. The weather is so horrible nowadays with the haze. The smell is horrible and my nose doesn't like it. Oh well, school is starting soon in 14 days time and thou shalt enjoy whatever time that is left.

Screw it! It's happening as i expected and i don't know why i expect it to happen this way too. Your words made me cry and i wondered if what i did was right. All the stress that i took to protect your feelings, to speak up for you, to think of what is right to tell you, to know that i'm in no position to tell you anything was all for naught. So i guess whatever i did was wrong and all i can do is to cry. I tried my bestest to protect you from all the shit that is happening and it seems like it doesn't get through to you. I must have done something very, very wrong because i don't see this happening to the nut. There are so many things that i wanted to tell you but there are no chances to, and no time. Ok, fine, it's an excuse like you said. I'm busy everyday( another damn excuse) that i don't even have time for my family. I would love to tell you everything tomorrow but you've got other plans already so i believed that OUR plan is scraped, thrown away to the deeper recesses of your mind. I was terribly upset when you told me you can't meet me tomorrow when i've set the day free for you, pushing everything away, even officiating and now this. I can't take it. Perhaps i've been too sensitive whereas you're not. I know about your work and obligations and i've tried to explain it ten thousand times already. It seems like nothing gets through to anyone. It's wierd how people come up to me and asked me about you and what you've been busy with. I mean, i'm glad that we're so close that people can actually asked me for information about you and yet it's wierd because these people are from your team and they do not know that you're working right now? I guess i got too involved and it backfired. Things were much simpler back then. It's all my fault and i have only myself to blame and that stupid fucking guy that got everything started. I wish everything will still be the same and we can talk over dinner or something. I promise i'll tell you everything? And yes, i agree that communication is a vital link.

Enigma says: "I need a "Vivian" to complement the "Wil" in me"

Gwen says: "Thanks for calling to cheer me up when you know that i'm upset. Sometimes shit happens and it ruins my mood. It hurts terribly to be blamed when your initial intentions were good, it just happens to be distorted somewhere along the way. Thanks for the support anyway."

Enigma says: "Serve you right! You shouldn't have bothered in the first place. You shouldn't put your ass in where you do not belong. It's not worth all the pain and the tears so cheer up and let go. If people don't understand, then they are not worth your time and effort to protect them from harm. Just fucking let go.."