Name
Gwendolyn (:

take me to the sky

7:09 PM I survived on a pen and a pencil in school today. How can i be so blur as to leave my gigantic pencil case at home? It's so huge that i can't miss it and yet i did today. Oh well, i guess i'm just so blind.

Trying hard to do my econs analysis right now. It seems to be so easy talking about it but when i want to write about it, everything just fly out of my mind.

Saw so many familiar faces at SIM today. It's the first day of school for many of them and coincidentally, we were there for lunch. Took the bus back to school for econs lecture after lunch. Lazy to walk all the way back to school...fell asleep during econs lecture. Missed out on market structure but it should be fine for me.

This is my 500th post!!!!!

I'm always searching when i'm there. Why is that so? I behaved as if my soul is not around and all that is left, is the hollow body. I'm missing something and i wonder what is it or who is it. Do i know the answer to that? Maybe i just refuse to acknowledge what i know.

11:39 PM A GREAT DAY!!!
Watched 2 movies today at PS, Dragon Tiger Gate and Pirates of the Caribean. The 1st show was all right, if action movies are your cup of tea, then go watch it. Pirates was nicer of course! I heart Jack Sparrow!! It was so sweet of you to buy tickets containing my initials and favourite number. It moved me, no doubt...the surprise at the end of the day still leave me in a state of shock even till now. Pleasantly surprised for the whole day! Thank you very much.

All the fun leaves me in a state of panic right now. Lots of work not completed and school starts in 9 hours time. I shall try to do as much as i can and leave it as that. Exams are coming! Ohh..please remember to study Gwennie!!

Saw fireworks last night while having steamboat dinner at Marina. It's so NICE!!! Shall go catch it again during National Day. Went shopping with Mum at Bugis before meeting Yuen dearie. Bought stuff again! I should seriously stop spending when i do not have any more games to officiate. Saw project superstar's Jason Tan too, he looks so gay! But i like gays haha..

Bumped into YQ today at PS, Renee Wah too. Why is it not *ahem?

I've been giving so much and it felt nice to be on the receiving end. Too bad the giver was not you. It makes me wonder again...

12:17 AM Finally started on The Time Traveler's Wife and the prologue got me hooked already. It was describing how Clare was left waiting whenever Henry "left" and her feelings about being left behind. She tried to keep herself busy so as time will go by faster and hopefully by then, Henry would have returned to her side. "Why is love intensified by absence?" shows that her love for Henry grew even though he's not at her side. "Each moment that i wait feels like a year, an eternity. Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass. Though each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting. Why has he gone where i cannot follow?" Oh..the beauty of words! I can't help but compared it with Henry's thoughts and feelings about leaving Clare behind. He was just describing his feelings and things that he did whenever he time travelled and only at the last paragraph did he described how he missed Clare. And all he described was of her waking up, working, reading and going to bed. Ohh..and her low voice in his ears. That's what guys are concerned about ain't it? " I hate to be where she is not, when she is not. And yet, I am always going, and she cannot follow."

Went Borders after dinner at NaNa Thai today. So tempted to buy books again and i'm happy that i didn't. Still have 4 books at home which i haven't started on and exams are coming in 3 weeks time so i doubt that i'll have the time to read anymore. Anyway, i know what books i wanted to get so i'll get them after i finished the rest of the books. Having a perpetual pain on my left temper leaves me in a wierd, dreamy state. I walked home again...

I hate to be where you are not, when you are not. And yet, you are always going, and i cannot follow.

12:35 AM Yeah!! Tests all over and projects all done. Nothing major's up for the rest of the week so i shall declare that i'm free till next monday. Too lazy to do anything once i reached home so i took a much deserved break and watched tv all the way. Shall rest well this week as next week might be a busy week. I don't know why i feel that way but i just felt it in my bones. Oh well, what must come will come. I shall rest my battle weary bones now to fight the battle next week.

Bus ride home with Mel, Tng, Debbie and Chenghui was fanastically fun! Haha..they are hilarious man! The bus driver provided the spark for our joke. Oh man..he's scary!

Some poor girl can't enjoy the wonderful colours of tv because her tv decides to go black and white. Oh well, retro's the way to go so not much harm done. Anyway, the handsome one is away in Italy so there's nothing much to oggle at unless you want the one that can't really act. Why settle for the prince when you can get the king? Haha..hurhur i'm going nuts.

One call, just one call is all i need.

6:50 PM Woohoo..projects are over and done with and all that's left is the OCOM test tomorrow, econs analysis and exams! Can finally have a good night sleep before i start studying for OCOM tomorrow since i'm skipping school in the morning. Test is schedule at 5.30pm and i'll finish school at 12pm so it's a waste of time to go to school for 3 hours. Shall sleep more to replenish my lack of sleep this week. Headaches and giddiness accompanied me the whole of this week. Looking at an impending "A" yeah!!

I ran out of batteries today. Can totally feel the energy draining out of my body and i can't even run. Can't even lift up my legs to run at all and i'm sure everyone can see that. Was too slow in chasing after the boys even though they are not that fast. I shall rest!

It's great to be missed! Haha at least i know i'm still alive and kicking in somebody's thoughts because i feel so dead now. I'm a total wreckage inside. I miss you too Yuen!
Have you ever miss someone till you feel that there's no meaning in your life without that someone? Everywhere that you go, you remember the things that you did, the exact conversation exchanged and the people you were with.

The doorway seems so bleak when you're not walking through it. Expectations leads to disappointments so i'm glad that there's no expectations at all. Then, there will be no chance for disappoinments to set in.

8:42 PM Haven't had enough sleep for the past 2 days. Sleeping at 5am in the morning and getting woken up by some friend of my mum at 8.45am is no laughing matter. I was still sleeping when i opened the door for her but i was lucky that i can go back to sleep. Slept at 12am last night and i was woken up by my mum in the middle of the night because my brother got admitted to the hospital. I was too zonked out to care and only realised what happened this morning. Now i'm worried! Mum's still not back from the hospital yet so i still don't know what's wrong with my brother. Survived on chocolates today. I'm crazy when i'm tired and i talked nonsense! At least the chocolates and tea kept me awake till the end of Business Stats. Horrible paper again, hope i'll be able to pass. Bumping into Renee Wah was a nice surprise though. Spent the day waiting for biz stats test to be over and i'm glad it's over because i'll have more free time after wednesday.

I'm so tired now and all i want to do is to shower and sleep but i can't because of the presentation tomorrow and i haven't prepared my speech. Shall leave econs tutorial to my group mates..they are lovely people but i feel guilty for throwing my work at them.

Oh well, i guess lonely bus rides don't suit me anymore since i have Mel to accompany me every morning! Haha..great company even though we both fell asleep halfway through the journey to school. The bus took damn fast to reach school today. Freak! We should have left our house later.

Memories warm you up from the insides. But they also tear you apart.

12:43 AM Slept my day away as usual. The pain wouldn't go away even though mummy helped me to rub it using an egg. Wasted the egg because the egg can't be eaten after rubbing my head. Tried studying but it didn't work out. I did everything else except study. The throbbing pain is still there and it's irritating me.

Some people just pissed me off and yet they don't even know it. Are they too naive or what?

I hate being the middleman, someone made to pass the messege because i'm close to that person. I hate to filter out things that can't be passed on knowing that it'll hurt that person. Why can't things be simpler or am i too complicated? But if i keep quiet, i think it will hurt that person more. We're not that close anymore, anyway. Please ask someone else to do the job. I'm not suitable for it when i'm feeling so unstable right now.

I feel lost, suspended in mid-air looking at the things happening around me. Disconnected from everyone. I'm trying to hold on by making time for everyone and the more i do that, the more disconnected i feel. I think i need to read more because i ran out of words to describe how i am feeling exactly now.

Lost in Space
Sometimes I get tired of this me-first attitude
You are the one thing that keeps me smiling
That's why i'm always wishing hard for you

Cause your light shines so bright
I don't feel no solitude
You are my first star at night
I'd be lost in space without you

And i'll never lose my faith in you
How will i ever get to heaven, if i do

Why is everyone bumping into *ahem* when i don't? At least i got to bump into my cute bball player from a JC near school.

Sometimes you're just so sensitive to changes in my moods that i feel that you are a part of me.

11:58 PM Tiring day!! Slept at 1 plus yesterday due to project and woke up at 5 plus to go to school. Had netball early in the morning and rushed off to present our project straight after that. Yea! It's done. Another project down, one last one to go. Went down to CSH to officiate after that. No need to rush this time because driver came to pick me up. Went for ah-balling before officiating. The first game sucked big time. The players are so irritating! They keep on commenting that i never call on the fouls. Like hello?! You can't stand properly and fall, is that my business? Tapping the ball out of bounds is also legal so why complain that i didn't call on that. Can you see it clearer than me when i'm standing at the angle where i can see the play and you are standing behind the basket. Irritating asshole. Second game was better but i was elbowed on the head by a player. Damn painful!! There's a bump on my head now and it's hurting like crazy. I was tearing during the first quarter due to the pain and everything looks wierd to me. I think i got a concussion.

Dinner with the girls were so fun. We went to New York New York, a new resturant at Citylink and there were ten of us! Table wasn't enough for us but we managed to squeeze and have lots of fun. Embarrassed myself at the pool table by missing the white ball twice. I sucked at pool! Had candy floss too. It's nice because it's green apple favour. Overall it was fun and it's nice to meet up with Ena after so long. Maybe can catch up with her again next week with Shu, Chris, Eddie, Gary and Amy.
Busy week again starting on mon. Stats and OCOM test, not to mention OB presentation and officiating. I haven't done anything yet. So dead, so dead.

I glanced at the doorway for so many times searching for the familiar sight and i didn't see what i wanted to see. Expectation was too high and i got disappointed again. I can't clear your visage in my mind's eye.

8:48 PM Is Kerry super observant or she just got it by chance? She asked me a question which i can't answer at all and all i can do is to smile at her. She walked me to my bus stop and waited with me for the bus after officiating today. So nice of her!

OCOM tutorial was all right today. Table topics are interesting enough but at least give me one which i know. Totally forgot what the progress package is all about and i just went up and laugh to the class. Embarrassing! At least give me the 5 day work week question. Had lunch with the class at SIM today. It seems like i haven't been joining them for lunch in ages.

That familiar scent is all over my room and i wonder why? Is it just my imagination or is the scent really there? So where does my heart lies?

Love isn't blind, it just only sees what matters.

Yup..i do need a break sometimes and take more rest as mentioned by dear Yuen. But how can i when everything's piling up and my heart can't even focus on anything for more than one second. I said my heart because the brain is currently not functioning anymore but i guess she'll get the idea. The brain and heart never seem to function together at the same time. They can't co-exist and when the brain says "No", the heart says "Yes". Get the drift? All right, i shall go eat the chocolate that has melted and harden back. It's bought by Ms Wong so must eat. Hee..she got herself a better deal since she got chocolates from Candy Empire.

8:49 PM Buffalo wings and cheese fries complete my lunch. The tai-tais met up for high tea at Billy Bombers today. It felt wonderful to spend time with them alone without any irritating ass. Went shopping before that and I bought something from U2. I'm on a shopping spree lately. Buying stuff wherever I go. It feels nice to buy something which you like but when you think of the hole it's creating in your pocket, you kind of regret it too. Oh well, i'm glad i'm officiating tomorrow. I need the extra cash now.

I'm burnt although i may not look like it and it's causing me to peel like an orange. It starts on the face and soon my arms will peel too. I don't like it. It makes me look like a freak.

I simply dislike people who calls up my friends to ask them about me. Why can't you just call me and ask since you are so interested in my whereabouts? You are nobody to me so why are you doing this? I don't have to report to anyone who i'm hanging out with and where i'm going right? Do you know it troubles my friends so much that they might not want to hang out with me in the future? I HATE you!! You disrupt my life! You big, fat, egoistic, shallow, braggart.


6 signs to show you are falling for someone...
1-as soon as you get online - whose name do you look for first?
2-when you hear your phone ringing - who do you hope is calling?
3-when a love song comes on the radio - whose face comes to your mind?
4-whose name makes your heart skip a beat everytime you hear it?
5-who is it that you always find yourself thinking about -wondering if they're thinking about you
6-the whole time you were reading this,there was only one person on your mind.....

12:19 AM I'm dying! I missed the dinner on Monday. The one i was looking forward to because of work, school work that is. Another dinner on Friday and yet i'm up to my neck with work. I'm glad i met up with dearies for dinner before i found out there's so much work for me to do or i guess i won't see them till next week. Shall leave everything till tomorrow because i'm super tired now but i guess i won't sleep even when my head hits the pillow. Sleep doesn't come to me easily this week. Officiating on Thursday and Friday. Arg..my neck is disappearingggggg...........

Loneliness is the most terrible poverty- Mother Theresa

You're still the one! You complete me.

12:24 AM
I hereby introduce PWEN! Isn't she cute? She looks so lovable and sweet. Not to mention rotund!

Bumped into Heng yesterday and Val today. I'm bumping around haha..

11:52 PM Bball alumni today and it was a sunny day after the rain. I'm tanned and having wierd tan lines due to the taping on my hand. Came back at 10pm and i'm now rushing my project and presentation which is due tomorrow. Powerpoint only had 6 slides and i don't know how's that going to be presented. No rehearsal at all and i seriously hope we scrape through the presentation tomorrow. I'm glad that i have Pei Zhen and Ngern Whi in my group. I'm a lucky girl. Without them, i would have die of stress and sudden heart attack and i would be botak, as i pull out all my hair strand by strand. At least work is safe in their hands. I'm such a bad group leader! Must really thank them after presentation tomorrow. I shall go and shower now. Haven't had the time to bathe since i came back after bball and i stink like hell.

12:20 AM Another jolly day... A day without school is such a bliss. Woke up late and went Clementi after that to officiate. Met yuen on the stinky bus which i spotted before it pulls into the bus stop. It smells of urine. Ewww...disgusting! Journey with music always seem so enjoyable. I actually prefer bus journeys with my MP3 rather than people. The games went on smoothly and we went to JP for dinner. Had another game after that and it's home sweet home after that. It is another hyper day for me. Don't remember eating chocolates so why am i so hyper these days?

Looking forward to Sunday!! The sun, the game and the people. SR bball alumni, here i come!

How can there be a familiar scent when it's so unique. I'm sure it's all in my brains and i imagined it to be drifting through the air. It's only there because i'm missing you so much. I search the crowd for you and i laugh at my silliness. How can you be there? You're my inspiration!

11:37 PM Happy, happy day. I don't know why i'm so hyper today but i was in a cheerful mood all day long. Maybe it's because of the late night chat with a certain teochew who just came back from China. Turn up for OCOM tutorial and i actually participated in the group discussion although i didn't present. Haha..went for OCOM lecture too. That's a miracle! Wasn't helpful at all so i really suggest that no one turn up for anymore OCOM lecture, not that there's going to be anymore lectures. It's the last lecture this semester. Woohoo..good news everyone!

Came back after boring lecture and managed to read the papers before meeting dearies for dinner. Had Secret Recipe for dinner and all i had was a brownie and ice tea. Not that i'm saving money for him or anything, it's just that i'm not hungry. He bought us piggies! Muahaha..mine's super cute and round and pink. Shall name it PWEN as suggested by Jasmine Teo. Saw combined school players too. Too bad it wasn't *ahem*.

It's just that one word from you and i'm back into the bottom of the sea again. Can't you sense what i'm feeling or are you just doing it deliberately?


So Sick by Ne-Yo
Ooooo Ooooo, yeah
Du du du du du du du du du
Oh yeah
Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I’m alone
Cause right now its says that we
Can’t come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cause you walked out the door
But it’s the only way I hear your voice anymore
It’s ridiculous
It’s been months
For some reason
I just
Can’t get over us
And I’m stronger then this (yeah)
Enough is enough
No more walking around with my head down (yeah)
I’m so over being blue
Crying over you
And I’m so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing
You were still here
Said I’m so sick of love songs
So sad and slow
So why can’t I turn off the radio
Gotta fix that calendar I had
That’s marked July 15th
Because since there’s no more you
There’s no more anniversary
I’m so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And now every song reminds me of what used to be
That’s the reason
I’m so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing
You were still hear
Said I’m so sick of love songs
So sad and slow
So why can’t I turn off the radio
Ooohh leave me alone
Leave me alone
Stupid love songs (oooohh)(hey)
Don’t make me think about her smile
Or having my first childI’m letting go
Turning off the radio
Cause I’m so sick of love songs (hey)
So tired of tears (so tired of tears)
So done with wishing (ooohh)
She was still here
Said I’m so sick of love songs
So sad and slow (ooooo ohh)
So why can’t I turn off the radio (why can’t I turn off the radio)
Said I’m so sick of love songs
So tired of tears (so tired of tears yeah)
So done with wishing
She was still here
Said I’m so sick of love songs (love songs ooooh)
So sad and slow (hey)
Why can’t I turn off the radio (why can’t I turn off the radio)
And I’m so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing
You were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs
So sad and slow
So why can’t I turn off the radio (why can’t I turn off the radio)
Why can’t I turn off the radio?

10:41 PM Pictures taken during Stats lecture. Obviously the sexy lecturer can't capture out attention anymore and we decide to photowhore.













7:11 PM Bumped into Renee in school yesterday like finally! Saw Yuan Pei and Kerry in school today too. Hee..i like bumping into people.

I'm glad of the nap i took on the bus just now, feeling much better now. Felt really bad that i have to miss so many dinner dates this week. It's with 2 different groups of people that i love and i can't make it for either one. There's another dinner date next week and i seriously hope that i can make it for that one. Haven't seen them in 1 year if i calculated correctly, never been good with numbers anyway.

Xinmin Sec called me today and i guess they're asking me to go back for relief teaching. Opps..sorry i can't help them anymore since i'm back in school.

I still check my phone 7823423236723638 times expecting your message. Though i see none, i don't feel that bad anymore. A whiff of that familiar scent, sent me back into purgatory.

10:36 PM Youth Cup Finals for under 18 guys was held at SBC on Sunday. Great game between Combined School and Minyi and i'm glad that Minyi won. Their shooters are so much more accurate than Combined School's. Yup..a great game indeed. Sitting and talking to *ahem* is even better. Haha..cute, cute. Lovely voice, lovely smile, lovely brains and lovely wits. The ONE who made me smile and laugh at the same time.

Went to school today and discovered that there's lots of project due either next week or the week after next. Where was i man? How come i only realised that i've got so much work not done yet? I guess i was just slacking and assuming that my group mates will initiate the meetings and all, but i guess i was wrong. I wish i can just sit back and relax and wait for others to tell me what to do and not be so anxious about everything but yet, it's not in my character to do so. I wished i am a better person and yet that wish doesn't seem to come true in all my years of birthday wishes. I wished i can don't care about anything and just be indifferent to everything and just live my life as a zombie and that doesn't come true too. So what are wishes for?
I saw my friend making a birthday wish on her 21st birthday last Saturday which is like 2 days ago and i wonder what her wish is? Does she wish for the things that she wants/desires or wished that the world is a better place? Haha..i seriously don't want to know and yet i wonder. Perhaps, a wandering mind is better than an empty mind. I stoned again..

I'm lost in a world of memories.
I function on a daily basis,
Leave me alone and i crack up.
But yet i yearn to be left alone.
Lonely bus rides with music sooths me.
Calms me down like a balm on sore lips.
When i stepped foot upon level ground,
I sink...
Faster on level ground than quicksand.

Got this from baoma's blog..
~Accept the things to which fate binds you,
and love the people with whom fate brings you together,
but do so with all your heart~

Looking forward to friday. It's the end of the week by then. I'll survive this hectic week and come out victorious at the end. I love my no. 10!

12:36 PM

Pictures of what we did during CATS class. I seriously can't understand what's the relevance of doing this but it allows me to know that i actually have the flair of drawing chicken. Yea! I can draw something. Woohoo..how interesting.

Yu Zhen's masterpiece!

Her dragonfly!

At my favourite studying place..i wasn't studying at all obviously.

Evidence of Dern not paying attention during lecture. Hurhur..



I can't stand people who called me and talk nonsense early in the morning. I can't understand phrases like "letter, the one you submitted, signature." What the hell is this? Can't you string everything up into a sentence and talk to me coherently? I seriously wonder why you call me sometimes when all you do is irritate me. I can't stand people who talks to me when i'm obviously avoiding talking to you. Can't you see that one worded answers means that i'm not interested? Guys are all blind and insensitive. I can't stand people who can't talk properly. Stop acting and get your act together. Stop all the pretense. Stay away from me!

I'm in a bad mood 24/7 lately. I don't know why. I get frustrated easily and i flare up too. It's not pms..and i wonder what it is. I'm always around people that i love and yet i build a wall around me and stayed away. I seemed to enjoy looking on rather than participating in the activities. I tend to sleep a lot these few days too. Maybe it's because that when i'm awake, i supress whatever i'm feeling and i get to release them all only in my dreams. "You're afraid of imagination. And even more afraid of dreams. Afraid of the responsibilities that begins in dreams. But you have to sleep, and dreams are a part of sleep. When you're awake you can supress imagination. But you can't suppress dreams."

Funny thing is, i tried to protect my thumb from more injury, i injured my left middle finger instead. Haha..i'm just injury prone these days. My sensei is not in town so i have to move around with my injured fingers and nobody cares. Definately not mummy since she even forgot about my breakfast today.

 

12:02 AM I think i'm not going for OCOM's tutorial and lecture tomorrow. I'm tired! Too tired with everything and any additional information is going to kill me. Information overload now and i can't understand Stats at all today. I'm glad to have Peizhen in my CIP group. She's the one who'll be concern about it and will get me started on it. The rest will do their work when they're told so it's still all right. CATS project is going downhill when things are looking this way. I dread fridays now. Not because of netball but CATS. This is going to be a boring friday since i can't play netball with my injured thumb. Now i feel like skipping school on friday too.

There's too many people at the sensei today so i didn't manage to see him. He's going overseas tomorrow and will only be back 7 days later. Arg..my thumb, how? Saw jeremy today though. Muahaha..someone's jealous?

Saw Denise Keller today too! I think she's gorgeous even with that hair.

Even if you want to do more to help a friend, you can't. Let them help themselves. My horoscope for today...

12:24 AM Injured again! That's the 2 millionth time i've injured my right thumb. It's the right one again! Before long, i'll be claiming the handicap fund if i'm living in the States. Damn it..i can't stop injuring myself nowadays. Told mummy a white lie about how i got injured. Ignorance is bliss la! Shall go and see the sensei tomorrow i think. Can ask him to see my ankle too. How can anyone injured the thumb while playing bball? I was just shooting and getting rebounds only. Arg...it's just injury time out.

Trying hard not to fall asleep during econs today. Yup i was trying hard..if i'm not sleeping, then i'm stoning. Bought lots of snack to stats lecture today to keep myself awake. In the end, i don't need them because of that small little cup of tea.

Opps..stats tutorial not done yet, CIP too and not forgetting OB. Damn it..

I looked at my handphone for 7823423236723638 times hoping to see your name but it didn't appear. Oh well..that's something good too.

It's confirmed! I'm going to burst trying not to tell anyone. Haha but a promise's a promise. I don't know if what i'm doing is right? I'm helping out and yet i bleed inside. Maybe this will be better for me? I wonder..

12:34 AM As requested by Yu Zhen, she pinched me today! I can't remember why but i know i did nothing wrong to deserved it. That mean girl!

Went SBC today for the refresher course today and i was roped to be the table official for the National Team vs Australia Team. Damn..i missed the course but i watched a great game tonight. Haha..my idol played well. Glad that i watched the game instead of attending the course but yet again, i wouldn't have my participation certificate. It defeats the purpose of heading down to SBC today. I'm doing things without purpose all the time.

I'm tired of everything. I just wished i can stay at SBC forever and all i have to do is to watch one bball match after another. I don't wish to think of project datelines and presentation, tutorials, e-learning and what's not. I'm tired of hearing that name too! I'm tired of staring at my phone waiting for your reply. I'm tired of trying to stay in touch. I'm tired of wishing too much. I'm tired of keeping track. I'm tired trying to be happy. I'm tired of surrounding myself with lots of people and smiling. I'm tired of the tears that fall uncontrollably at night. I'm tired of being lonely and yet wished to be alone all the time. I'm tired of the memories that i have. I'm tired of sleeping so late at night. I'm tired, but yet i can't fall asleep. I'm tired of the dreams. I'm tired of the songs that keeps on playing in my head. I'm tired of your favourite songs. I'm tired of trying to charge my MP3 only to find it dead the next day on my way to school. I'm tired of drifting around getting on with my life. I'm tired of finding meaning in life only with you in it. I'm tired of the way you cut me off. I'm tired of you looking for me only when you have no other company. I'm tired of handling so many stuff at the same time, why can't things happen one at a time? I'm tired of being happy when i received your sms. I'm tired of thinking about your feelings all the time. I'm tired of trying to deal with that green demon that tormented Othello so. I'm tired of all those empty words. I'm tired of arranging my time so as to meet you only to have you tell me you can't make it. I'm tired of hanging around outside because i can't face the truth when i'm at home. I'm tired of missing my favourite shows on TV because of the many tiring stuff i'm handling at the moment. I'm tired of being the first to say hi. I'm tired of caring too much. I'm tired of explaining what i feel. I'm tired of people trying to understand but can't. I'm tired of being teased. I'm tired of missing you. I'm tired of being me. I'm tired of being emotional. I'm tired of being controlled by a string that's linked to you. I'm tired..mainly because of you!
I think i need Yuan to put my head back in place again.

1:06 AM

I want to get this!! It's red and big! Haha..anyone want to help?

12:10 AM Everytime We Touch
I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why.
Without you it's hard to survive.
Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I can fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
Cause everytime we touch, I feel this static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.
Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky.
They wipe away tears that I cry.
The good and the bad times, we've been through them all.
You make me rise when I fall.
Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I can fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
Cause everytime we touch, I feel this static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so I can't let you go.
Want you in my life
Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I can fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side

Words doesn't really mean anything right now. Is what you say really what you feel? Sometimes, what i say is not really what i feel. So what am i actually feeling? I'm not sure too.

11:22 AM Won the Comets yesterday! We multiplied exponentially as Vanessa from CP said so that's one of the reason why we won. Had fun playing bball again with the girls. Think it's still worth holding on.

I am so glad that there will be less smoking area for smokers at hawker centres and any place where we sit down to eat. We would not be exposed to so much second hand smoke anymore. Haha..hopefully, this ruling will help those smokers to cut down on smoking and maybe stop smoking for good. Just hope that there will be enforcers around so that smokers do not smoke in areas where they're not suppose to or it'll defeats the purpose of the new rule.

I cried while watching horror movie. What is wrong with me? I used to laugh while watching horror movies and now i cry. Crying for two nights in a row gives me puffy eyes.

Yeah! Came back from ball session with ballies. Had fun playing with them though we're all pretty tired and lethargic. I guess we need more chemistry as a team because we're all brought together from different batches. We need more practises and of course more ball session. Hopefully everything turns out right and we can start training soon. I need to get fitter too. This is the first time that i felt that rebound is important because i got quite a few rebounds just now. Heehee..one doen't need to be tall to get rebounds. Ohh..i need to practise my passing too because my passes are weak. Think it's because of too much netball, i tend to hold back my passes because it's too strong for some of the girls and now i need to release that strength that i have. Hurhur.. And now, i need to rest my poor ankle. It's hurting again now and i can feel pins and needles. Swollen again! Dinner and chat at Thai Express was good too. If only we have all the time in the world to do that.

I seemed to be meeting people everywhere i go. Saw Julia yesterday in town and Lukey at Koven today. Meeting up with sec sch mates on Wed if everything turns out fine. I think Bin's bday celebration is this coming Sat too. Oh man, it's going to be a busy week again.

The greatest sin-Self deception. It hurts so much that i bend over in pain sometimes.



12:16 PM Think i over exerted my ankle yesterday while officiating the finals yesterday night. Was quite worried that it might give way halfway through the match when i ran so much. Luckily it held on till i removed the tape when i reached home. Mummy said it looks swollen so i rested it on a pillow while i slept. Hee..

Woo..the game yesterday was good! Too bad i wasn't the spectator and i can't sit there and stare at the players. Combined School and Quan Yan played very well even though Quan Yan lost in the end. Mistakes were made here and there and i can't understand why i have to be so fickle minded when i was signalling to the table. Can't decide whether it's a push or hold and i think i did both. Diaoz..damn embarrassing! Wasn't really bothered by the coach as much as i think i would. That's something i was glad of. I just ran past him while he made his stupid comments and ignored him totally, glad that he decided to shut up in the end. Caught my first off ball foul yesterday too! Haha..like.. finally!

Going to ACS later for the match against Comets. Bball session tomorrow at 3.30pm. Ohh..balls!