Name
Gwendolyn (:

take me to the sky

11:42 PM Sometimes i stun even myself with the way i officiate. As PS said, if i'm good, i'm up there but when i'm bad, he doesn't know where to classify me. Arg..why can't i just be constant? I must have the confidence to ref with someone of the same calibre and not depend too much on my seniors, according to him. Ok, i shall take note of that! Yes, i'm shagged. Too tired of keeping myself busy. Too much on my mind. I need a vacuum cleaner to clear my brains. I think it's stress..
Emotional day..

9:30 AM Forgot to write about this yesterday. Was on our way to Cathay and we saw this scene at AMK MRT station. There's 3 ladies standing on the platform and suddenly there's a $10 notes lying on the floor. Was thinking that it belongs to one of the 3 ladies and suddenly we saw this boy standing very near them. He put his foot on the note and drag it away. He thought that nobody saw it and picked it up. WTH? The 3 of us were so shocked!! The next thing we know, his mother and him walked past us and talked as if there's nothing wrong. They're mainland Chinese! No wonder!! She looked proud of him and was hugging him telling him that he did a good job. What is this? He should have given back the money to the ladies and not picked it up. If there's nobody around then we can understand if he pockets the money but the money obviously belonged to one of the ladies. We were so pissed off!!

9:59 PM Went out early in the morning to study. Wasn't really early but it was early for me because i slept at 3am last night. Jaco was already there when i arrived so we started on stats. Finished it in a while and we decided to go watch Over the Hedge at The Cathay. It's new so there isn't many shops there but the cinema was not bad. Usually they'll only sell popcorn and nachos but at Cathay, you'll get all kind of food like fish and chips, pasta, hotdog and sandwiches. Wanted to get sandwich but there's nothing left except for hotdogs. WTH? Put up all the nice pictures and i thought we could have something nice while we were watching the movie but in the end, it's just bluffing me. Bought hot chocolate in too, it's the nicest one i had though the hot chocolate at Starbucks wasn't that bad too. The show was nice!! The animals are so cute but i shall not disclose anything. It's just an entertaining show where i don't have to work my brains and just enjoy it as it is.
Took a cab down to SBC after that. Lazy, tired and the weather was bad so it justified my decision to take a cab down. Hmm..don't think i did a good job today though but since nobody mentioned anything, i shall be happy with whatever it is. Tiring day! I shall not sleep so late again but the mind just doesn't seem to listen. Thinking too much and maybe the caffine contributed to the sleepless night too. Oh well, i shall sleep early tonight.

I really dont know what i want right now.
It feels nice when there's someone taking care of you.
But i'm not used to it at all.
Probably all i need is time.

I made myself so busy. I don't know why. I need time and yet time doesn't seem to stop for me. I need space and probably a holiday will clear up my mind, heart and soul. Wishing for the holidays to be here quick, quick. But i must first finish my projects and tests on hand. Arg..

1:06 AM Busy, busy day. Went ACS in the afternoon to watch bball match and after that, it's off to study. Saw Grace at ACS too..seems like we haven't met each other for so long. Met Lian and Jaco at my aunt's place and they helped me with stats. I got 2 free tutor and each of them helped me with different chapters. Haha..saved money. Went for dinner with them and my aunts after their facial and my tuition. Had dinner at East Coast and the food is cheap and good! I'm a satisfied girl! Meeting Lian tomorrow morning at her place for more studying and after that, we might go catch a movie before i go off for refereeing. I just killed all my studying time. Going to be a busy week from Monday onwards as i have to go for refereeing on Monday and Tuesday. Presentation on Thursday and CATS work to be handed up on Friday. Meeting up with the bball girls on Friday too, not forgetting Ms Wong. My weekends are burnt too as i have refereeing on both days. Shit! And common test is right after my busy week so that leaves me with no time to study. Never mind..i shall survive all these.

Don't look at me like that.
It breaks my defenses,
Send butterflies to my stomach.
And worse of all,
It gives me HOPE!

7:18 PM Ohh..netball today was FUN with a capital 'F'. Finally played netball today after all those physical trainings and ball handling skills. Oh man, it was such a long wait. We did shooting today too and Ms P can recognise a shooter when she sees one. Haha she asked me if i'm a shooter and i told her i played bball. Thought she would make me play GS or GK but in the end she didn't. We practised a bit on shooting and it was time for her to choose her players. After the positions that i was after was given out to the other girls, i was trying to hide my face behind my friend as i kind of sense what was coming. My sixth sense was so accurate that the next thing i know, i was made the centre of the yellow team. OMG!! I had to run around the court while the rest of them run 2/3 of the court. I was running up and down the court like a mad woman and made quite a couple of good passes. Haha..so fun! I think netball is only fun when one plays the centre but the bad thing is, the centre can't shoot the ball. Arg..i rather be the shooter then. Had CATS after S&W. It was super boring!! Had to do project again. How are we going to study with so much projects going on? Anyway, it was a great end to a great week. I miss that girl who's suffering from exams stress right now. Haha..good luck Ms Wong.

Went shopping with Yuen and Deanna after school today. Woohoo..the GSS! Wasn't in a shopping mood today but i saw stuff that i want to get so ya..after i get the money, i'll get my stuff. Deanna and Yuen both bought stuff today. How can anyone miss out on the GSS? I'll be my turn soon!

Ohh..just received a call from a certain Mr Chan. He wants to invite me to be a member of the welfare team. Does he think that i have the time for such stuff? Maybe he's just too bird-brained to think that i'll turn up for the meetings. Does he have an ulterior motive? I wonder?! People are so complex. With such stuff happening right now, i tend to think more about what they're trying to do. Is there an ulterior motive for asking me to referee on certain days? I wonder again.

Saw so many tv actors/idol wannabes this month. Saw some stage actor today at Raffles Place MRT while waiting for Yuen. Saw Chanel at Tampines while waiting for Ms Wong. Not to mention many more. I'm seeing stars!!

Read the article about Joan Chan in Straits Times today. So sad, she passed away! She's just 20 years old this year and at such a young age, she had to battle tongue cancer and go through so much pain. Can't stop my tears from falling after reading her plight. Being silly again..

Why do i make myself miserable when i know that i'll be miserable after doing it? Why can't i just stay away and not think about anything?
Am i just being silly or am i born silly?
Do i feel happier when i do things to make myself miserable?
I'm such a sadist!

"If she is the first thing you think of when you wake up, the only thing you think of when you're awake, and the last thing you think of before you go to bed, then she is really somebody special."

"You know you love someone when you cannot put into words how they make you feel."

"If someone you love hurts you, cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.”
"Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours."--->>> it's difficult!! It puts you in mood swings, it leaves you with a heavy heart. It leads to depression and leaves you wondering what else is there to do. It makes you cry like no tomorrow and every little thing just makes the tears flow. Every memory and every sensitive word brings on the tears and you wouldn't wish to be left alone. That's because when you are alone, you never know when the tears will stop. At least when you're with friends, you wouldn't want to cry in front of them. The emptiness that's left, can never be replaced by anything else. You spaced out, you stone, you do anything except paying attention. You keep yourself busy even though there's nothing for you to do. You don't leave anytime for yourself even though you're so tired of putting on a fascade and just wish to hide. You can run and run and run but you just can't hide from what you're feeling. You can be the happiest person on earth and yet you're bleeding inside. No one can heal your heart unless you put your heart to healing. But how can a bleeding heart heal by itself? How can a lost soul be found? How can you run from what you're feeling? How can you feel again? How can you be yourself when all you want to do is hide. How can you smile when your heart is in pain? How can you laugh when all you want to do is cry. How can you be you again? How can you be whole again?

1:52 PM I seriously wonder what i'm doing in OCOM lecture. It's super boring and we're just watching videos. I want to leave!! Waiting for my ride to come! Arg..super boring!! Should have gone kboxing with the rest of the class. Haiz..but a promise's a promise.

CP played with Home U today. Won by 30 points! They were good and so were Home U.
I cried while watching Dream Chaser. So silly! Now crying myself to sleep.

5:43 PM

As promised..the photo me and Claire took during econs tutorial right under Mr Pon's nose.

Our SEXY stats tutor!! Look how hardworking we all are and he just sat there in a mermaid pose. The resident paparazzi at work again. Woohoo..i must claim credit for this photo. Sent to the rest of the class immediately after i took this. Poor Sharon, half of her table is dedicated to SEXY's butt.

24th April 2006
The 1st official day of school and school starts at 2pm because it's lecture week. It has been officially one month since i stepped foot into school again. Well..i still remember the 1st day of school. Met princess for lunch at cityhall as usual and went to school together. She accompanied me into school and walked me to my lecture hall before she left for her school. Haha come to think of it, she seems to know my school better than me. One month passed so quickly and i'm getting into the hang of things. Oh well..school life is definately better than working life.
Shall get my speech for tomorrow prepared. I'm still not stress enough to be doing work. Arg..

11:40 PM The injured finger decided to start protesting today. Think i injured it 2 weeks ago and now, i feel the pain again. Can't really type with my left middle finger and of course i can't do the conventional sign for FU too. Haha..don't think it can stand up straight. Anyway, i shall post up the picture i took with Claire during Econs tomorrow. Econs was slack today and i finally know what has been going on in econs. Never fall asleep too. Yea..common test in 2 weeks time. I better go get help for Stats before i become the stats for failing students. Oh well, math has never been my forte. I'm much prefer the literally world where Shakespeare used to reign.

5:39 PM It's the 1st time i didn't fall asleep in the bus on the way to school.
It's the 1st time i had lunch with Claire, Sharon, Vanessa, Denise and Melissa.
It's the 1st time i manage to catch something during stats today.
It's the 1st time i come home immediately after school on a tuesday.
It's the 1st time i laugh so much in school.
Further proof that this is going to be a fantastic week!

I'm thankful for everything YOU have given me. I feel so blessed. I see that my problems are so tiny in comparison to the less fortunate. Thank you lord!

You throw me in a state of confusion. One minute i'm happy and the next, i'm lost again. I thought i was cured, but obviously i'm not.

6:50 PM Ok the project that is due on thursday is stressing me up. We're suppose to meet today and compile everything but that wasn't done because someone never do their work. Nevermind..shall meet up tomorrow again and hopefully we can finish everything. God bless me! I need your strength to keep me going. Fell asleep during econs lecture today. OMG! Didn't know i was so tired. I shall not sleep at 4am again!

Yuenxin came to school to look for me today!! Wah..so happy! Haha she kept me company for a while before she went off to get her photo. So glad that she came. Makes my day a better one and i think that this week's going to be great,though it's going to be a busy week. She calms my strained nerves and put my head back into place again. Love her!!

JC offered to send me home today. WTH! I don't need a driver. I can go home by myself perfectly fine!!!

11:37 PM Feeling nostalgic today while i was walking along the familiar path leading to SR. It has been ages since i walked there and yet i still remember the sight, scent and sound around the area. I remembered the nights after training where we would sit at the playground talking and eating fruits. When some of us become crazy after eating too much fruits and behaved as though they were drunk. I remembered us eating at the coffeeshop during lunch breaks before trainings and playing hide and seek with our teammates while we walked back to school. I remembered the ice-cream uncle too! Not to forget the uncle who sells bread. He's gp's husband! All the times we spent on the bball court, the gallery, toilet and the p.e teachers room. I still remember the musty smell of CCA Rm 2 or was it 3? Never been good with numbers. Haha those were the days. Suddenly all these memories came flooding back to me and all i saw was a blur. Tears come easily nowadays.
Met Deanna at the bus stop outside SR and we took a bus down to Tampines. Watched Da Vinci Code. Wasn't up to expectations. Guess there was too much hype and my expectation was up there but it wasn't met. Well..i much prefer the book to the movie. Sent De to East Coast and sent her home too. She's lucky that we were having dinner there or she would have to take a cab home! Lucky girl!!

4:10 AM I'm still awake at this minute. I must be mad! Thanks Denise, Sharon, Claire, Meo for the concern. I'm fine..

6:56 PM
My Ballies! i miss everyone of them!

Weet..when down to ACS to watch CP play just now and i saw the junior league playing too. No.8 is so cute! She's the shortest and smallest among all the players and you'll see her running around the court. It's a pity i didn't get to see her touch the ball at all. She's so small that the coach can just grab her up and sit her on his lap. Think the coach is her dad as she was lying in his arms and rubbing her eyes as though she's crying. I love kids! Especially those that like to snuggle in my arms when i carry them. Woohoo..i'm not a paedophile. I'm not sexually attracted to children! Haha..i just like their innocence. I wish i can be like them too.
CP had a walkover today. The other team didn't have enough players to field and therefore they lost the game. They played a friendly game instead. Think they won too. Wasn't really looking at the scores. Ok shall concentrate on my work now. Been slacking ever since i came back.

12:44 PM
At Swensens with Jimmy, Yuen, Ms Wong and Deanna. Had great food on thurs and ice-cream after that. 2 consecutives days with ice-cream makes me put on weight. But i don't care since i need comfort food now. Chips ahoy later..potato chips that is!



I sit and stone and think of you. I awoke with you in mind. I look at the time and think of what you're doing at this hour, this minute, this second. I spend my day with you in mind. I do my work and "see" your face. The last thing in mind before i fall asleep is you. I "see" you in my dreams too!

9:54 PM I don't know what i'm feeling right now at this moment. One minute i'm happy, the next minute i sink to the bottom of the sea. The feeling is horrible, it's like something is enveloping me and i can't seem to get rid of it. I chose to ignore, to hide, to run and yet nothing seems to be helping. Perhaphs "out of sight, out of mind" will work for me. However, i can't help myself. I really can't! I need help! I know i really have to start focusing on my school work. I'm stretching myself very thin nowadays and that probably explains my bad mood today. I realised that tears can't really help to relieve what i'm feeling right now and yet i can't stop myself from tearing. Maybe time is all i need. ????????!

Went down for A division finals after school today. VJC lost to RJC at the last quarter. Was quite upset with the lost because i was hoping that VJC will win. Nearly fell asleep during the guys game. I'm wierd..it's suppose to be more interesting to watch the guys play and yet i can fall asleep? Well..AJC lost to HCJC. So not interesting!

Going down to ACS tomorrow to support CP. Thought of watching Da Vinci tomorrow and yet nobody seems to be as free as me. Empty promises..
So many shows that i want to watch and yet time seems not to be on my side. I need to muster up positive vibes before i hang out with my darlings or else i think i'm going to piss everyone off with my mood. I'm in one of my moods now and i think i need a hug. I shall stay away from everyone till i'm healed/cured or killed. Next week shall be stay home week as declare by TWEN! Ouch..i saw something that made me tear again! Haha..dead!

Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you.

But if you just let it fly, it will come to you when you least expect it.

Love can make you happy but often it hurts, but love's only special when you give it to someone who is really worth it.

Love isn't about becoming somebody else's "perfect person".

It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.

Never say "I love you" if you don't care.

Never talk about feelings if they aren't there.

Never touch a life if you mean to break a heart.

Never look in the eye when all you do is lie.

The cruelest thing a guy can do to a girl is to let her fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall and it works both ways...

Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go.

The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.

It breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.

Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.

A sad thing about life is when you meet someone and fall in love, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and that you have wasted years on someone who wasn't worth it. If he isn't worth it now he's not going to be worth it a year or 10 years from now. Let go...





Ms Wong Yuan Yan!!! You're missed by me!

11:13 PM Not a bad day actually, had lecture early in the morning and the lecturer let us off after one hour. That means that i have a 3 hour break before my next class. Luckily i had work to do or i would have left. I did my work when i came home today. Felt a sense of accomplishment when i strike out the things on my to-do-list. Yea..i finally did work! Next up on my list, study like shit!

You broke my heart in a million pieces
And I'm trying to gather them back
But i can't seem to find the vital piece
Before everything is whole again
YOU hold the last piece to my heart

Cause you bring out the best in me
That no one else can do
That's why i'm by your side
That's why i love you
Forgot the title of the song but the chorus goes like this. Haha..nice song!

The distance that i fought to keep
Aren't something that i want but should
It affects my moods
And yet i don't want to fall in deeper

12:57 AM A bad week! Started the week on a bad footing and now i think it's going to be like that for the rest of the week. Oh man, it's Week 4 already. I want it to pass quickly and yet there's so much things to be handed up by Week 5. Stress..Not to mention that i have not been keeping up with Statistic. Math has always been my most terrible subject and now i'm lost in the world of numbers again! Project to be handed up by week 5 too and i haven't even touch it. I'm so dead! Maybe that explains the state of my moods these few days. Mood swings..i shall work hard from tomorrow onwards!!

Finger is hurting like crazy! The whole arm is aching too. Think the veins are connected or something. Can't do a lot of things with my left arm now. Feels handicapped. At least it's not swollen yet..haha

I played badly today during training with CP. Nothing can explain why it's like that. Nope..i don't want to make excuses for myself. I just didn't do well! It's all my fault. Good thing is, i picked up my ass and ran a few rounds. Shooting sucks too! Where did the Gwen on Sunday disappear to?

11:29 PM I can't seem to do anything right today. Mummy was upset with me for not spending enough time with her this month. She called while i was out. She has to call to talk to me? What happened to all the talks we used to have? It's all my fault! Everything is my fault these days. Best thing is, i upset princess today too.

11:36 PM Had bball session again today! Played bball so many times this week that i'm a happy girl. There wasn't many people at SBC when i arrived and yet we managed to play 5 vs 4. Not very fair but my team has got 2 girls while the other team has got 1. Shot a couple of balls today. Grace and I was damn accurate and most of our shots got into the basket. We won the other team in the end. Ms Wong arrived at around 11 plus and we went for lunch before chilling at coffee bean.
Came home and spent Mother's Day with mummy. She cooked lots of food today as she expects Ms Wong to turn up. In the end, i have to finish the majority of the food and i can feel my stomach protesting now.

I feel bad that i'm not spending enough time at home. Mummy's been hinting me about not being at home most of the time. She said that i'm so busy that even she has to call just to talk to me for a couple of minutes. Haha..she's playing on my guilt. Smart move but yet i can't do anything to correct this.

I'm dumb! I sent the wrong file for the online assignment. What am i suppose to do?!

Still not in the mood for anything
I try to avoid and yet it's not successful
I guess it's written all over my face
Mummy asked me what's wrong today
And all i can do is to stare back and smile

1:32 AM It only takes minutes to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone and a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone

10:19 PM I'm such a lazy,lazy girl! Woke up at 11 plus today and went to ACS after that. Jimmy came to pick me and Deanna up. Chilli peppers won today! Princess played well, very well today. Went to bishan for food. Came back and slacked till now.

Bball at sbc tomorrow! Yea...

I don't know what's wrong with me
Can't seem to muster the strength to let go

12:17 AM A summary of my lovely day with fantastic people!



11:05 PM

 
Went Sentosa today for tanning with the girls! Met up at 10.30am and we went for breakfast. Head over to Sentosa at about 11plus. The sun was great for tanning and we all made good use of that.

Bikini babe spotted!

Too shy to show her face.

Tanning in progress!

Went to PS after tanning. On our way there, we photo whore again!

The train driver took this for us!

Grace at TCC! She looks so serious while looking at the menu?!

On our way home after all that eating and drinking.

I think i'm the resident paparrazi! I took so many nice pictures today with the blue skies and white clouds as background. Woohoo..i just love taking pictures!
Saw an interesting sight in the toilet today. Guess Singaporeans are still too conservative with seeing naked bodies. It's not a big deal anyway so why are they making a big fuss out of it?

Stop being so sweet to me!
It's making it so difficult for me to give up.

11:29 PM Princess came over to crash my lecture today! It was OCOM lecture and i finally turned up on time and stayed for a while. We left the lecture at 2.30pm because the lecturer just couldn't make it. Should not have turned up and just go for our shopping trip instead. He's so boring and just showed us videos, that many students left during the break time. At least we gave him face, we left 15mins after the break.
Had dinner with princess, jimmy, deanna, alvin and philip at Swensens. Been having so much good food this week that i think that i'm piling on the weight right now at this minute. It's always fun to be with princess.

I gave my heart and now i don't know how to get it back
It hurts so bad that i feel that my heart is torn in two
You made me smile and cry at the same time
I think i need to quit you.

You are the sunshine in my life
Brightening up my darkest moment
Now that you're gone
Darkness engulfs me
I fall..
Into the bottomless pit

12:23 AM If you didn't do your part, why should i do it for you?
If you think that you're too good for it,
Then i suggest you quit being in my team.
I'm not someone who can tolerate your nonsense,
Just do it or buzz off.
I don't need you in my life.
I don't care if you want to screw it up
I just want my grades to go up.
Even if it means sacrificing you, i will!

I'm in a bad mood today. The things that were said today just didn't go down well. I appreciate your concern but there's really no need to tell the whole world what is going on around me. I need no questions. I need the answers to MY questions. I need to talk and tell someone what happened and yet nobody bothered to listen. You can't blame me for being quiet sometimes because i know how important it is to listen to someone else talk and not interrupt. I prefer listening than to talk because i seriously don't know who to trust anymore. At least, i still listen.
Is it just that i'm too sensitive or is it because i've been hurt before? I do not like this feeling at all! FU!!

11:38 PM I was looking forward to basketball training today ever since i knew there's going to be one. It didn't turn up as well as i expected but yet i had fun playing with the girls. Woohoo..i'm so accurate today! There's this uncle who tried to correct my way of shooting but i think that he did not succeed. So many people tried changing me and yet i still can't shoot the "proper" way. Maybe someone should just brainwash me before i can shoot the ball the "proper" way. Haiz..i don't see any problems with my shooting because as long as the ball gets into the basket, you'll get the score. Really hope that the training will start soon and everything gets done properly. I think i might reconsider my choice of joining.

Came back immediately after school and took a short nap because i didn't want to be tired and cranky during training. I know that i'm super cranky when i'm tired so i forced myself to sleep. In the end, it didn't matter if i took the nap a not. WTF!

Trust is a really big thing for me. I don't trust people easily and i hate it when people i do trust breaks it. Damn it..i'm so pissed rght now that i don't know what to do. At least this time i see it coming instead. Thanks a lot ya!

11:47 PM Tiring, tiring day. Couldn't keep myself awake in school today. Stats was horrible. Couldn't understand a single thing. Best thing for today was the training for chilli peppers. Woohoo..learnt about strategy and saw their drills. Shall go sleep soon.

Stats tutorial : not done
OCOM presentation : due tomorrow
OB presentation : next term
CIP photo assignment: 22nd May
Econs tutorial : next week

9:17 PM Why do i continued searching even though i know that you will not be there.
Is it just plain silliness or plain stupidity?
I do not want to find out the answer to the question!

Why am i so easily affected by the things you say?
Your words can make or break me.
Can decide if it's a great day or a disastrous day for me.
Your words are the light to guide me out of the darkness.
And is also the monster who drag me back in.
I fear the day where i don't feel anymore.
When your words don't matter,
Where i am lost to the world of darkness.

Went to SIM for lunch with some of my classmates today. It's the first time where so many of us had lunch together and i'm glad that the majority of the girls turned up. Saw my favourite dancer at SIM again. I always bump into him there and he's so hilarous. He was telling me how this certain pair of pants was making his crotch uncomfortable. Too much information for a table full of girls!!
Went back to school after lunch and econs lecture was a whirl of madness. Can certainly understand the confusion of the class because the lecturer was going full steam ahead and enjoying herself without bothering to make sure the class understand. I couldn't be bothered and went into standby mode. Fell asleep eventually and was woken up a while later. Opps..
It's SIM again after school. I should just enrol myself into SIM if i knew that i would be there so often. Was doing my tutorial in the canteen till princess called me and tell me she's done. Went down to sbc after that to catch the A division games and it's off to Tampiness Mall for good food. Had fish & co for dinner and walked around a bit. Now it's time for me to settle down for work before my tutorials tomorrow. Going for chilli peppers training tomorrow too. Don't know why i'm there for so i should reconsider my options. Come home to study or sit there and watch people train? The answer is obvious!
Studying time!!

I do find the phrase LL a bit vulgar to be used anywhere. It's much too vulgar for a girl to utter it and it's just as bad when a guy says it too. I much prefer the phrase "What the phuck". Simple, casual and it gets the meaning across. I'm not one who appreciates the beauty of Hokkien so please, speak English or Chinese to me. I'm bilingual so do not worry that i wouldn't understand what you say. I understand Hokkien perfectly fine too and sometimes do utter certain beautiful phrases out of the many. Well..i'm still learning to wean myself out of speaking Hokkien to certain guys so do pardon me if my language is much too colourful sometimes.

Plans for tomorrow onwards:
Tues: Going for chilli peppers training.
Wed: Bball training!!!!!
Thurs: Movie..MI 3!
Fri: Sentosa
Sat: Study
Sun: Visit my darling?!

Ohh..busy week ahead.

I try to be perfect. That’s why I feel bad whenever people have negative comments about me and yet not specify what the problem was. I do not like hearing: “Stop dreaming leh”.
It’s like, what are you talking about? I’m wide awake all right? Not sleeping at all so how can I be dreaming? At the very least, tell me where I did wrong or where I didn’t do a good job. It bothers me a hell lot and I hate comments like these. I can’t do anything to correct it and it leaves something for me to ponder about. I don’t like it when I can’t figure things out and do something about it. I hate to be left hanging!

I love Twen! She doesn't allow anyone to touch her other that me. Was on the cab with princess when princess decides to switch her on for nicer music. The cab driver was playing music which neither of us understand. The funny thing is, Twen doesn't want to play the songs. The speaker was switched on and yet, no music came out of it no matter what we do. In the end, princess gave up and allow my baby to go back to bed. She's playing music for me right now! Haha..lovely baby ain't she?

7:08 PM Why do i always get myself into a dead end knowing that it's a dead end?
I made myself so happy and then fall into a pit again.
I tried so hard to climb out
And yet,
I always find myself back in there somehow.

Going out with parents are good when you don't have money to spend. They pay for everything even though they said they wouldn't. Bought my sport shoes today. Next up, a bigger bag for school.

1:00 AM Had dinner at Seoul Garden tonight again! It's the second time this week and this time, my stomach didn't quite agree with the food. Had 4 scopes of ice-cream when i promised to stay away from it this week. So going to put on weight. Luckily there's bball tomorrow morning. I need the extra exercise even though my muscles are aching right now. Walked to the esplanade after dinner and went to the top to look at the great view of Fullerton at night. Took pictures this time round. The view was the same though the company was different. There was live singing this time round too. Had fun with darlingz as usual...

I took a long stroll back yesterday night. Had so much on my mind that i don't really want to face anyone at the moment so i carried my big and heavy bag and walked home instead. I'm confused with what i want right now. It's like i took one step out and took two steps back again. Seriously confused. Can anyone tell me what to do?

10:50 PM CONGRATS TO MS DEANNA TAN FOR GETTING INTO HER DREAM COURSE!!

Went to SBC to officiate after school today. Me and princess were late! Took a cab down and ran to change and everything. Didn't really do well today and it bothers me. Had Thai Express for dinner. It was nice...went TCC to chill after that. Photo whore in the train again!! Damn tired..i think i should sleep after i print out all my notes. Nitez..

9:39 PM Sleeping for only 4 hours is seriously not enough for a sleepy head like me. Yup..i know that i should not have talked till so late at night knowing that i have school early next morning but i just can't help it. It concerns a good friend of mine and i want to know what the hell is going on and find out the exact story. I don't know whether i did the right thing now. Things are just getting more and more complicated and i just feel like leaving everything behind. I give up!! I don't want to think about it now because i don't function well when i'm lacking sleep. I wished that i have a place to hide whenever i need it. I need my own safety blanket too. I need a great big hug!!
Why are guys so irritating? They're so difficult to fathom and i'm sure they say that about girls too. I dread answering my phone sometimes. I just don't feel like answering calls from certain people. I tried ignoring the calls but it didn't really work out. I tried not answering smses and it still didn't work out. Maybe i should just change my phone number and not give it to them. Leave me alone people. I want to concentrate on my studies and social life now. Not anything else. Not BGR now too. I'm not ready for it i guess. Not ready to give up my freedom and to answer to a certain someone about my whereabouts. Not ready to accept another person in my life, not ready to trust yet. I don't even tell my parents who i am with and where do i go. So why should i report everything to anyone of you? I just want to spend time with my dearies and my list for that is not long!

On a happier note, lesson ended unofficially for me at 10.30am today. Met princess for lunch at my school and walked to LT for lesson. When i reached there, a notice states that class is cancelled so i happily went to crash SIM's lecture instead. Who knows that another lecturer took over the class in the end. I'm just not fated to attend that class i think. I was late for an hour last week and this week i just didn't turn up. Woohoo..how interesting. If this continues, i might just be debared from my exams at the end. Went to TCC again for dinner. Food's nice! I like the cheese and tofu thingy that i ate. Twen loves talking to princess... :)

4:13 PM Brought my baby to school today! She's super heavy and she's the biggest baby among all in lecture today. Lessons are still all right although statatics is confusing me big time and it doesn't help when the tutor goes anywhere else except the main topic during tutorial. I can predict that i won't do well in stats. Any one wants to place bets?
My left knee is hurting whenever i climb the stairs. I don't know what's happening to it as i have never hurt my knee before. Hopefully i can still run on friday. Looking forward to S&W although i'm not really interested in netball. At least, i'm starting to exercise again! Can get to lose more weight!

I need to get a bigger bag for school.
I need a new pair of shoes because my current soles are falling off.
I need a new jacket.
I need nice flip flops for school.
Haha..all these are needs and not wants. Shall convince mama to sponser me. Actually my main piority is to get a new pair of shoes. The others can wait till i have the spare cash.

I miss princess!!!

10:29 PM Woohoo..first day of tutorial in school today. OB wasn't that bad but the tutor's wierd. He wants eye contact with each and everyone of us and he tried to strain his eyes open to look at us. Haha..he's so funny can? Saw my classmates today for the first time. Got cute looking ones which will keep me interested in school for the time being. Hope that they're not himbos or bimbos or i guess i'll die right there in class. I was made the econs rep for no reason at all. The numbers that the tutor picked was all so small except for the number 14! And that had to be my register number. How lucky can i get? Luckily the tutor for econs is a nice guy. He's my favourite lecturer for econs so i'm glad it's him.
Tiring day today because we ended class at 7pm instead of 4pm. I went to the library and fell asleep on the seat. Had a nice nap without nightmares or dreams.(FINALLY!!) Went for the lecture after that. Everyone else is so restless and noisy. Totally waste of time because the lecturer has to control the noise level every 10 mins. Kids...

I had a fright of my life today! Had early morning lesson today so when i board the bus, i quickly find a place to sit down to catch on my beauty sleep. Slept happily and didn't even wake up once to check on my surroundings and see if i'm nearing school. When i finally managed to peel open my eyes, i saw a train! Not the MRT kind of train ok..it's the kind of train that travels to Malaysia and back. I was like..where the hell am i? Have i travelled so far away from my school that i can see the train?? Luckily i was not awake enough to jump out of the bus and take a cab to school because i was only a few bus stops away from school. I always sleep on the bus on my way to school so i can never recognise anything on my way there. So now i know there's a railway track near my school. That's something i would look out for next time.

I saw my favourite dancer in SIM today!! Went over for lunch with Claire and Mizie and talked to him for a while. He's still dancing so i can still see him perform. Woohoo...that's nice! SIM is really like a mini SR. I see familiar faces wherever i go. I miss SR too.

1:15 PM I can't log in to my school's portal! Have a bad feeling about this but i shall not be so paranoid. Shall wait and try again later.

Not in a particularly good mood today. Don't know what's up with the mood swings. Definately not pms-ing as these symptons didn't appear in the past. Maybe i shall go look for chocs later. Think there's a bar hidden somewhere in the refrigerator. It's hidden from the prying hands of my brothers. Muahaha..i'm not someone to share my chocs:)

Habits are hard to kick
It's like drugs which are addictive
Withdrawal symptons are experienced
It's not a great feeling!

Went out with my aunts today to get my tag heuer watch at Centrepoint. I don't want to mention the price. It's crazy!! They wanted to get another watch which costs 3k plus for themselves. Luckily they didn't.
Went for dinner next. Wanted to go for hotpot but it was too crowded so we decided to go to Seoul Garden instead. Food wasn't that bad but i didn't really enjoy eating it. The only great thing was ice cream! I had 4 scopes of ice cream! So going to put on weight later. But it was nice. Haven't been really eating ice creams so i guess it should be all right to indulge myself once in a while. I shall not touch it again this week.

Tomorrow's lessons aren't that great either. Have lessons till 7pm tomorrow and i found out that i forgot to collect the tutorial from the bookshop which i'm suppose to hand in tomorrow. Arg...what a great way to the start of my proper school week. First tutorial and i forgot to collect it. Shall go to school earlier tomorrow to collect it.

12:33 AM I think i shall be a good girl and stay home tomorrow. I haven't been doing my tutorial even since school started. Have been busy everyday..i'm busy tomorrow too. Opps..how can i ever finish my tutorial this way? Better finish up my work before i go out tomorrow again!

Aljunied lost to Qian Xi tonight. So sad! My favourite team lost! Been in a foul mood since.

People said that there's light at the end of the tunnel
I saw the light
But i'm sucked back into the darkness again.
Can anyone guide me to the end
Or will i be stuck in the darkness forever?