Name
Gwendolyn (:

take me to the sky

6:40 PM Depressing news:
1) I failed my theory for my referee course. So the next thing i need to do is to go back for the course next year if i ever want to be a qualified referee. How dumb can i be to fail the theory?
2) Got into the sports and wellness course which means school is starting on the 18th of April. Was kind of looking forward to getting into NIE and yet they haven't given me a reply.
3) Mentor's last day at IRAS. She's the only one who's happy today.
4) Couldn't find woman to take pic and realised that she went for her advanced theory test. I even wished her good luck and i seem to forget about it really fast. Am i losing my mind?
5) Tummy was not feeling very well after lunch...i'm falling sick!
6) The babies came in today and we had to guide them along..without mentor, what am i going to do?
7) Stupid TP is calling me back tomorrow when i really don't feel like going. Arg..hate responsibilities!
8) Am trying hard not to be moody anymore but it doesn't seem to help. When left alone, moodiness sinks in.
9) HX last day tomorrow...lesser people going for lunch!
10) Still not communicating on the correct wavelength...god knows i'm trying!
11) More work to be done and more forms to be filled up.
12) Sitting plan is changed and woman is not anywhere near to me!
13) Going to be alone with the baby from tomorrow onwards.

Went to bishan after work yesterday. Shopped around and talk to the girls but somehow, it didn't come as easy as before. Perhaps we're really drifting apart..the only thing that me and grace agreed on yesterday is that, it's very fortunate to be able to take care of the person you like no matter what shitty things they ask you to do. Bought Mrs Fields for mentor before going home in a cab with the girls. If i remembered correctly, she likes the brownies there but i bought cookies instead cos it's cuter.
Took pictures with mentor, michelle and jasmine after work today because it's her last day of work. Sad!!! As i mentioned before, the only happy person is the one leaving. She went to town after work with all her stuffs. Diaoz...

7:41 PM Depression starts to sink in... Everyone seems to be leaving and at the rate that it's going, there'll be none left at the end of next month. Arg...have not be feeling too well this few days, tend to get moody and quiet and i just wish that i can hide in my room and cry all day. Somehow this doesn't feel like me and the tears won't come no matter how hard i try to squeeze it out. There seem to be no way for me to let out this pent up frustration and i don't really know what causes it so i'm sorry if i suddenly flare up at anyone or said something mean. I don't mean it...it's just that you have caught me in a bad mood. And i really don't appreciate you flaring up at me. You can just ignore me if you're pissed and you don't have to raise your voice. How would i know you missed half the show when you are only talking about it to the people next to you? I'm not everywhere at the same time so i probably heard bits and pieces of your conversation. Don't know when it started to become like this and i hate it. Can't seem to get away from all this and i really really want to know the reason behind all these treatment. Is it because of something i said or did. Tell me man! I'm not someone that's so sensitive that i know your every single thought even though we have been teammates for 2 years. We're different in so many ways that sometimes i don't get what you're thinking about so please tell me if you're unhappy about something. We're working together and having lunch breaks together and that makes it worse. I hate to put on an act in front of everyone. I know that something is not right and yet i have to pretend that there's nothing wrong. Everything i said have to be thought of beforehand and make sure that there might not be any other meaning that you'll mis-interpret. Everything you said seems to be picking on me and sometimes i feel really terrible. Arg...can i just stop being bothered about everything. Why can't humans just survived without friends and companionship? Or am i being over-sensitive? Lots of issues plaguing me right now and i'm avoiding everyone and everything. I'm avoiding hanging out too much with you girls because i'm scared! I make excuses because i'm afraid that i'll be moody when i'm with you girls and i don't like that. You all don't deserve this treatment from me but i can't help it. Is it depression? The only thing that keeps me sane is the on-going routine of going to work. At least there will not be time for me to think about anything else and i have wonderful colleagues to keep me company. The constant bickering with bridget seems to be the only highlight in my life right now and i really thank her for keeping my brains working and not straying to my deeper thoughts. Think she didn't realise that she's so important! Haha...silly woman. Really dread the weekends and i can't seem to find enough activities to keep my brains of issues right now. Saturday playing pool with bridget. Think Sunday have to go for tomb sweeping or whatever it is. Never been sweeping tombs since i don't know when but i'm definately going this time if it means that i'm not left alone with my thoughts.
With the departure of HX this friday, our lunch group is getting hopelessly small and that means more contact with you. 3 pathetic souls having lunch together doesn't sound exciting at all and i'm dreading the coming week. Mentor is leaving and thursday is her last day of work. Oh man...i can't stand it anymore! I wish that there's a way for me to let out all these pent up feelings. Anyone wanna listen to me talk and keep their mouth shut after that and forget about everything the next moment will be deeply appreciated. I'm sure everyone have their own problems too but now, i don't want to know. I want to dig my brains out and keep in somewhere else other that in my head. A hug will also suffice if what is stated is not possible. Edward will think that all these comes from reading Prozac Nation. To tell the truth, i don't think i got passed the 1st chapter because it has been rather depressing to read about how an ordinary, cheerful girl changed to a girl filled with angst. Does that sound familiar?
I want to rip out my brains!!!!!
On a brighter note, something terrible happened today in the office. Stupid porcupine got hx so flared up that she decided to quit. Damn...one less companion during lunch. Stop picking on people woman! Just do your job..if everyone is happy, everything will be done better and faster. Keep your workers happy and there'll be no complains from us. Just roll up and die!!
We are drifting apart and i'm scared that no matter what we do wouldn't help anymore. I don't like this feeling and yet i can't do anything much to help you if you wouldn't talk. The pain is there and i'm seeking solace in books again. There's no way i can get you to open up if you don't want to and the problem will still be there even if you try so hard to pretend that it's not. Try seeking alternatives around the problem and maybe you'll find a way out of it. Hope everything will be fine for you!
Everyone has someone to confide in...where is my someone? Please turn up soon or i guess there wouldn't be me anymore. It's hurting real bad! I need a hug seriously! Where can i find a free one?

2:34 PM Thanks babes for all your greetings! Hope you all have an enjoyable day too! Was really surprise that Jocelyn remembered my bday. Hee..

Why do guys have to act tough when chatting..don't get it at all.

10:35 PM Played like crap during the match with our juniors and yet i think they didn't do as well as i expected. Haven't been down to see them train but heard that they are not as good as they used to be and i witnessed that myself last night. Was quite disappointed as i thought that the trip to Malaysia would have taught them that there are better players out there and yet they played bball as though as it was rugby. The crowding was terrible! They just went wherever the ball was. What happened to formation and team work? They's hardly any communication at all and the better players have deproved significantly. I'm really disappointed! They could have trashed us easily and yet we're able to catch up with them although we did not have any proper training for almost a year. No respect for the game because i suspect that quite a couple of them didn't bother to cut their nails. Few of us got scratches as if we have been involved in a cat fight. I even trimmed my "beautiful" nails at 12 midnight in anticipation of the game. Did that for nothing and i swear that i'll scratch out their eyes if i caught the ones with long fingernails. Complacency is not the key here. We're like blind mice finding our way through the dark and they had to be the "blinder" mice following our ass! If we are messed up, they better take the opportunity to organise themselves and play better but yet, they had to be even more messed up than us! I really don't think that they can get into top eight if they continue to be like this. They are very lucky this year to get such great posting but yet, i really don't see them getting into second round even though Rivera think otherwise. Prove me wrong my dear juniors. Be careful of your fouls or you girls will be out of the game even before you can say "Good Bye"

Work was bearable today. At least there're no TPs who're wierd and i don't have to take calls that will really test my patience. I'm not as patient as Melissa and i never will be so i prefer to take calls that are easy and fast. Finished up my last call before Mel because she has to fill up the ever popular log but i just need to write a memo. Muahaha...should have seen her kuku face. We entertained ourselves during phone intervals and we multi-tasked by reading my "sex" book while she reads her bible. Notice the conflict? Haha...now she calls me SG! Diaoz...
Public holiday tomorrow which means that i don't have to go to work. Don't have to see Porcupine's face and can go shopping with the girls! Yeah..so exciting! Promised bust fren to go to church tomorrow so meeting her for breakfast at heartland. Probably meet the girls after that and we go shopping. Have to go back to work on saturday..bummer!Sunday have to go to the columbrium. Don't they realised what day it is? So upset that i nearly cried. That means no cake for me...arg...i want my lovely cake!!!

I don't know what's up with me this few days. Just feel like keeping myself away from the rest of the world. Don't feel like replying messages although i used to think it's freaking rude not to reply but somehow, i just don't feel like replying. Does it make any sense? Don't want to switch my phone off but yet don't feel like replying to the messages. The reason why i don't want to switch off my phone is because there is a remote chance that you'll message me but as the days go by, i feel stupid for waiting for a message that'll never come.

6:07 PM Yeah..saw Tirene and Shanice in IRAS today! They are the new TCOs that are coming to work at frontdesk if i'm not wrong. Happy..happy. More people i know. Work is boring today...lots of calls and yet Porcupine ask me to pick up the phone. Ok i hang the phone for a minute because i just finished talking and i was adjusting my book and she had to catch me doing that. Damn...hope she don't sack me! Not that i care but i want to work till the last day because i want to get my pay.
Hmm..the day that mentor is leaving is getting nearer,don't really want to think of that because i'll miss her. Nothing's going to last forever but it's just hard to let go once friendship is built up.
Arh..i'm missing JY already who left yesterday...colleagues are all leaving one by one and the only person i won't miss is Jeremy! Muahaha...he can leave immediately! Woman might not come to work tomorrow...bleah! Feel like taking leave too but friday's a public holiday! Have to endure till then i think. Today is Mel's last day! Sadded...



Why is it that i'm so easily affected by what you said. It just ruins my mood for the rest of the day. I'm sorry...though i didn't say it straight to you. I know you don't like it but i still did it anyway cos i forgot...

12:26 AM Some things are meant to be kept in the heart..but it's breaking into pieces so how do i keep everything in?

Hmm...just a thought. Nothing much..sleepy.Time for bed!

Looking for ways to heal my heart...can't seem to find the missing piece.There'll always be a opening for something to replace the gaping hole!(Sounds sexual?I hope not)

6:58 PM Mentor finally came back to work today. Had lots of fun today though i had some wierd calls from TPs. Haiz...not everyone is nice and patient but i guess since i'm working, have to endure it.Thought that silly Bridget is leaving and that's so worrying! No more entertainment from her and no more shoe throwing. Haha..she always threatens to throw her shoe at me but it never happened heez..with fun colleagues like her,who wouldn't like working at IRAS? Lucky she's just bluffing us :p
Working tomorrow and i decided that i would not go for SMU open house. Shall work and earn money and go shop like crazy. Retail therapy works for me!! Adidas sale tomorrow till sunday i think. Haha...more shopping!

It's so scary to think that in a few weeks time,i'll be 20!!! Arg...such a big,humogeous change. It's almost like a change in status, you're no longer a teenager anymore but a young adult. Diaoz...i'm not making sense anymore! I don't want to be 20!!!!!

Why am i so happy when you're around? Do you even notice that?




11:29 PM I can feel the distance and i thought absence makes the heart grows fonder,so why is it that i felt the rift between us instead of familiarity? I was really excited today because i'll be meeting you after work today to go back for the farewell. I thought that i would rushed up to you to give you a great big hug because i haven't seen you since saturday but once i saw you,everything just disappear.You just walked off with yh and i was all alone following you guys. Hmm..i know that something is bothering you and since you don't want to talk about it,i don't want to ask. Is that good or bad? Can someone give me an answer? Humans are wierd creatures and girls have the greatest instinct on earth!
Work today was horrible! So many calls to answer and there's like hundred and one things to do at the same time. God...luckily there's lunch for us to really rest and chill our red hot ears. Was feeling the stress because mentor was not around to help out. I guess that she's just a security blanket and i feel much safer when there's someone within reach to ask for help. It helps too if that particular someone can multi-task and do one hundred and one things at the same time. Well at least i still enjoyed my work today.

6:59 PM First week of work at IRAS. Hee..very interesting and fun getting calls from TP. Every call is different and i think i like jobs like that where there's no routine(except for getting to the office on time) to keep and we can do whatever we like. Was feeling jittery on the first day of work but after getting my first few calls,i'm getting the hang of it. Had my own work station after lunch and i'm left to my own devices and of course with a mentor to help me if i encounter any problem. Didn't encounter any major problems and most of the TP who called are nice. Hope i don't jinx everything by saying that. Overall quite fun and slack. Can chit chat when there's no calls and go to the toilet to slack too. Colleagues are of the same age as us so there's no problem clicking at all but we have our own cliques during lunch. Major hitch is that,they're all discussing which university to go too and which course to take. BORING!!! My mentor looks like huili and she can be quite nuts too so it's fun. Surrounding people are all interesting and we pass love notes to one another too. Hahaha...enjoyed working at IRAS. Saw Shuyun in the toilet today...she's undergoing training at my level and she's going to help out at the main lobby. Haha..that means must face TP while we don't have too. Great...the more the merrier...more friends to talk to and have lunch together. Yeah..looking forward to work!
Missing my bust fren who's missing in action for months.Where did you go??!! Fill me up k!

Referee course ended with a bang yesterday with dinner at Geylang! Most of us turn up and eat jellied bean curd.Haha...last day already.Finally get to know all of their names. Hope i pass the theory exam. Think i passed my practical exam the first time and i stupidly offered to do a retest. Hope my retest is better than my actual test!!