Name
Gwendolyn (:

take me to the sky

9:39 PM It is hard for me to remember a life that was so cocksure, so free of self doubt, so pure in its certainty. How did all that life-force energy turn so completely into a death wish? How quickly it seemed that my well-developed superego managed to dissolve into buckets of free-flowing, messy id.

Stayed back in school today to study and i managed to start on agriculture for geography..at least i started my revision for the A levels.Hee...the cca verification thingy that we had in the hall today sucked big time! The f**king school is so disorganised and everything is not recorded at all. Haiz..gotta go through like 4 teachers to verify my cca hours for chingay.Want me to show you the Chingay t-shirt to prove that i was there? What the hell...36hours of voluteering at scs was not recorded down too. Maybe i got 160 hours instead of the pathetic 102 hours that i currently have now. Haha..maybe i got more than the required 80 hours which is 5 points in the pearls system but since i did so many hours, i might as well get all my hours down! In the end, i got a grade "C" for my cca record. Just 1 point shy of getting a grade "B".Arg..how irritating!! Still not used to the idea that i didn't get "A" for cca. Not much help if i didn't do well for my "A" levels but it's just....
Everybody should just read grace's blog for the stupid system that we have to "store" all our records.She's better at expressing anyway!! Hee..love her!

Staying back tmr again to study but have to go meet ZX first. Haven't seen him since that time he came to my house to return my comics which is like 2 years ago? Hope he grew taller anyway..maybe taller than me? Arg..i'm being mean again! Somebody stop me!!! Maybe can get to play bball tmr too!


4:39 PM Hohoho..finally can blog! What a miracle! Yups...it's back to school from this week onwards and it's been a terrible 2 days since school started after prelims. Haiz...the 1st day of school was terrible as the looks on our teachers' faces were horrible.Today wasn't any better cos we met Ms G and woohoo...lit wasn't any better than the other subjects. Haha..thought i did better for econs this time round but apparantly i wrote the same point using 2 different sentences one after another and Mrs Ting wasn't very impressed. Just hope that it will be better than the mid year results. Mcq was better cos i got 21 this time round instead of 12..DRQ got 7 instead of 5 haha...ya a bit better than mid year but it isn't going to help much if my essays got less than 20 combined together. Hmm..hopefully geography will be better. Arg..it's the prelims and i'm still getting this kind of grades, I wonder what kind of grades will i get for my "A" levels. Haiz...must work very, very hard to get the grades that i want and NEED to get into the university next year. Though i haven't decided what i want to do with my life but i do know that i want to get into the uni .At least that is the future that i always see for myself...

Hee..ok shall talk a bit about the weekend after prelims. Went out with Yuen,Grace,Jasmine,Ruiyi,Baoshan,Yan Sze,Yan Hui and Ena on Friday.We went to watch the New Police Story starring Jackie Chan and Nicholas Tse and it was very funny. There's one part where the whole theatre was laughing so loudly and clapping hee...quite nice so must watch it if you have the chance. Met Joan and her mum at Far East and saw Jocelyn and her friends at Heeren after that. Lots of SRJCians in town that day.Haha..had lots of fun! Shall not comment on yan hui's "I need the bank" episode cos i was so stunned that i was just staring at the stack of money she was holding in her hands.Haha..but we laughed till tears rolled down our faces. Something funny will always happen when you're around the bball girls i guess. Love them lots....took neoprints again and this time,all the neoprints that i have doesn't have yuen's face in them. Hee..nvm i see her everyday so no need to have her face in it anyway but still...it's part of the memory!

And then there are my friends, and they have their own lives. While they like to talk everything though, to analyse and hypothesize, what i realy need, what i'm really looking for, is not something i can articulate. It's nonverbal: I need love. I need the thing that happens when your brain shuts off and your heart turns on. And i know it's around me somewhere, but i just can't feel it.

I walked out of the darkness and saw light at the end. Is it salvation or is it another "trap" that i'm going to fall into. I really wonder whether i should walk straight towards the light or just stay put at the very spot where i'm familiar with. At least i know that's where i'm safe from more pain and heartache. However..one can never remain at a place for too long. You'll never know when it'll collaspe under you and drag you down with it.

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2:29 PM Hmm..finally back! Haven't been blogging because my computer is down and i'm now having my prelims.It's almost over and there's 4 more days to go.I can survive this!!! Have been studying at home or in school during the holidays so nothing interesting to talk about.Wish i was more hardworking though...
Just finished lit paper 1 earlier this morning and i think i screwed up Antony and Cleopatra...i'm left with 1/2 an hour when i'm still at the 1st page of my essay so can guess that the rest of my essay is crap! Geography is bad too...have to do very very well for paper 2 before i think i can pass and the bad news is that,i haven't started studying for paper 2!! Shall go home to watch my recorded Singapore Idol later. Have to wait for Deanna to end her lesson at 4pm and go home with her.She better don't pang seh me like some people!
Arg..wish i can blog in the privacy of my own house!! It's so not private at all in the school library!! Stupid computer...better watch out,i might just destroy you and get a complete new and functioning one...


11:02 AM Time passed really fast and it's now FRIDAY!!! Damn...haven't finished studying yet and GP is on mon..haven't started on econs too.
Hiaz...now in school's library trying to study but i'm online blogging away.Have been sudying at home,sch and macs this few days.Hope everything gets into my brain...stress!!!

Hmm..your refusal just crushed me...


12:03 PM Finally started studying and i just finished Othello..starting on Silas now.Hopefully can finish studying by next week cos after that will be the prelims and i don't wanna fail prelims.It'll be a confidence booster if i do well enough and i'll be very very upset if i did badly.Muahaha..not to say the new handphone waiting for me if i did well.At least my aunts promised me that so i guess it'll be an incentive for me to work hard!
Have bball on fri against Oversea Family School.Helping the J1s so we'll be playing against them again.Don't want to lose to them and even if we did,we won't lose that badly i hope.Hiaz...have lessons early tomorrow morning that means i have to stay in school for the whole day again.Better bring some stuff to study or i'll go mad waiting for time to pass.

Mornings are the hardest part of the day
Don't feel like waking up at all because i'm an escapist and i wake up just to go to sleep again
Waking up with a feeling that shouts "I MISS YOU" is not something that is wonderful too so i rather sleep and dream of you

Hmm..a miracle that the computer is still functioning properly after being online for 1/2 an hour. Muahaha..is it my lucky day?
Ya forgot to post something that leaves me feeling touched.I love the song "Glory of Love" and on fri when i stayed back to study,someone ran into the study area like a clumsy elephant just to let me listen to the song that is playing on the radio.Sweet isn't it..muahaha and the person is bb junior.Even Shanice thinks that she's sweet!!!

Shall go and study now or else bb junior will nag at me.Hee..she's behaving like my mum..seeing her tmr *grinz*
Hahahaahahhaahahaha......